"people want to know things right up until they know them ... and then poof, on to the next thing"
- David Lynch
If we're here for anything, it's to learn.
But sometimes that desire to learn can become an enemy of the simple, at-peace-with-uncertainty kind of life so many of us want to live.
It's why ideas like "Beginner's Mind" are a thing. That seeking-to-find-out-mind can put an obstacle between us and the "knowing" that doesn't originate from thought proliferation.
It may seem foolish to *want* uncertainty, but it's probably closer to the truth to say that we're mostly living with uncertainty that’s wearing a fake certainty mustache most of the time anyway.
If you're interested in co-existing with not-knowing instead of constantly trying to do battle with it, I hope that what follows is of some assistance to you.
The Illusory Promise of Knowing
Ask yourself how much of what you've seen, heard, or listened to in the past seven days is still within your grasp of recall.
How much of those facts and news stories stuck with you up until now?
Unless you have an abnormal talent for retrieving what’s passed over your eyes, it's likely that only a small percentage of that information is sitting in the crevices of your brain.
And a week from now, even less of that might be there.
From my own experience, curiosity can be craving.
Research can be procrastination, and empty snacking.
And when we do learn something, that illusory satisfaction will soon slip through our fingers, leading us to seek out new gossip, series finales, and cat puzzles.
When, And How Knowing Goes Wrong
We're still a sucker for promises.
Whether it's an unprincipled politician picking the right verbal potion about purity and power to persuade, or a spiritual "authority" telling you how they've got "it" all figured out, and wrapped with a nice ribbon for you, there are many that are preying on your desire for certainty.
This is how radicalization happens, and how cults pick up members.
And even when someone isn't actively trying to control our behavior, if they display certainty, you may see them as more competent than those that seem undecided.
It's a human tendency that's worth keeping in mind whenever a mortal starts throwing around guarantees.
We've likely all been on the wrong side of this trait at some point. So what do we do instead?
A Different Way To Look At Certainty
One of the greatest teachings I've absorbed was Ajahn Chah on the concept of "Not Sure."
He speaks of wielding the phrase "not sure" as a weapon against the tall-grass of deceptive "certainty."
In some ways, it's a way to take your mind back from the drug of fake certainty that can lull us asleep. Some of you may also be familiar with the "we'll see" story.
There's a reason the Buddha warned about speculative views. Seeing bits and pieces of "evidence" for some spiritual theory that can't actually be proven gets the dopamine flowing, but can lead us in circles like a show dog.
What I'd like to suggest is that it's much more beneficial for us if we aim for F. Scott Fitzgerald's idea that the "test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”
Or, instead of "not sure," to constantly try to remind ourselves "maybe - maybe not."
It's much easier said than done.
But let's at least try.
Practical Ways To Cultivate A Mind of ‘Maybe’
During my time in a management role, I needed to be decisive.
A lot of us have jobs that require us to get off of the fence and make choices for ourselves and others. Our personal lives can demand more of this as well.
Despite the seeming incompatibility of living out ‘maybe - maybe not’ and leading an actual life, I think we can, and should at least give it a shot.
Here's some practices that could help with that (and have helped me)
1) The Everything You're Not Sure Of Cheat Sheet
See the Bonus section at the bottom of the post for that. It's something that I use when I'm feeling pretty sure of something. And it's a good reminder.
2) Making Predictions And Then Evaluating The Results
If you're confident that tomorrow is going to be a disaster, write out a specific description of what you think is going to happen.
If a horoscope, or your own divination is screaming “fire” at you (like mine definitely have), write out how you expect the day, or event to play out.
The key, though, is to revisit this prediction the next night and see how those fears stack up to the now observed reality.
If you're anything like me, you'll be a lot more distrustful at how certain you think you are about the clouds collapsing on you.
3) Making Quick Decisions About Uncertain Things That You Won't Regret
If you're leading a team, or just yourself, you may not have forever to find the safest choice. In cases like this:
- A) Ask What Would Need To Be True (wwntbt) For This Choice/Action To Be A Failure
- This should help you identify the key aspects that are the most risky, or vulnerable, which will help guide your problem solving and decision making process
- B) Make Sure It's Ethical
- If you don't follow the 5 precepts, there's other ideas of ethics and morals you might want to use. But it's important that we're not rushing into an action that's unethical but effective, because it will likely hurt us in some way or another, now or in the future.
- C) See Each Action As A Small Experiment
- There's a saying that "action produces information," and I've certainly found that to be true. By taking a small action we can see the results, which can help us choose the next direction.
- It's important, though, to take these actions if they're reversible decisions because they can provide valuable feedback to guide us where we need to go next
4) Reminders of The Maybe - Maybe Not
- Choose a reminder app on your phone to go off every hour, reminding you of "maybe - maybe not."
- Getting in the habit of looking at your day through that lens will eventually rub off on you in a good way (it has for me).
5) Only Researching As Much As You Actually Need To
- Ask yourself what would need to be true (wwntbt) to have all of the research you need to proceed on activity X.
- Once you get that, force yourself to move on so you're not continuing to consume content like a bag of chips.
6) Remember That The Bad And The Good Are Both "Maybe - Maybe Not"
- It's easy for the anxious of us to remind ourselves that the good is a maybe - maybe not affair, but it's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that the bad is too.
- Ajahn Chah once told someone to set a clock when you're angry and see how long it lasts. It's the nature of everything to arise and cease, and even if we're struggling to see it in the uncomfortable eye of the whirlwind, its end will come.
The Hard Truth
The hard truth is we can't escape every negative outcome.
We can't outsmart the world, or ourselves, all of the time.
At some point the world is going to have our number for something, and it will be doing the dialing.
At some point, misfortune will befall us.
At some point, we'll cry, bleed, and bruise, and we'll be better for it, if we learn a lesson from it.
The one lesson you can learn from all of this is that *all of this* is maybe - maybe not.
Even with divination, you can't know everything, because knowing everything would prevent the everything from occurring. And sometimes we don't want to stop it from happening. Sometimes we would have preferred that it ceased before it occurred. Life is life.
The danger, even when in a legitimate rut, is to believe that the maybe not is only describing pleasant outcomes. The unpleasant and pleasant potentials should be looked at with the same skepticism.
There's professional diviners (myself included) that don't know every detail about their future, even if they can make out some of the shapes in the darkness.
But regardless of the oracles you dabble in, when you keep not sure, or maybe - maybe not in mind, you'll be closer to accurate, and probably a lot more mentally resilient.
It's something I try to get better at each day, but the practice is 90 percent of the battle.
I wish you the best of luck with your efforts to do the same.
Bonus: Everything You’re Not Sure Of
The Un-surely Comprehensive Checklist of Not Sure-ness
When It Comes To You:
- Whether you can or can't resolve something
- How you'll feel, think, act, and what you'll do in 5 mins, a day, a week, a month, a year
- What you want and don't want, and will or won't want
- What you like and don't like, and will or won't like
- "Who I am," "was," or "will be"
- How long you'll care/won't care
- What you remember now, remembered then, or will remember in the future
- What you will look like, behave like, sound like, move like
- Whether you'll feel different, think different, regret, be grateful for this
- If that will happen to you
When It Comes To Everyone And Everything That's Not You:
- How long it (event, feeling, thought, relationship) will last, or (sometimes) how long it lasted
- What it means conventionally and ultimately
- What others are thinking, feeling, doing
- Whether something will resolve itself naturally without interference
- How others will feel, think, act, and what they'll do in 5 mins, a day, a week, a month, a year
- What others want and don't want, and will or won't want
- What others like and don't like, and will or won't like
- "Who" they are, "were," or "will be"
- What the effects of this, or that, were, are, or will be
- How long they'll care/won't care
- What they remember now, remembered then, or will remember in the future
- What they will look like, behave like, sound like, move like
- Whether they'll feel different, think different, regret, be grateful for this
- If that will happen
- If that will happen to them/it
With Divination
You're not sure which parts of these will be present/affected, even when you know which house is targeted
1 - Self, body
2 - Money, possessions, material goods
3 - Close family members that aren't your parents, writing, social media, spiritual practices, neighborhood
4 - Home, land, your father, private matters
5 - Love, sex, your children, pleasure/fun, physical activity
6 - Job, coworkers, health problems and treatment, pets
7 - Spouse/partner, business partners, clients, doctors, consultants, enemies, conflict
8 - Permanent change, death and the dead, money that belongs to others
9 - God, oracles, politics, prophecies, getting smarter
10 - Your reputation, your mother
11 - Fans, friends, those generous to you, other's children
12 - Separation, distance, law enforcement and incarceration, spies, large/wild animals