As a teenager, and into my twenties, I read self-help book after self-help book.
Dale Carnegie here, Stephen Covey there, and of course, all the Stoics.
They helped incrementally, but only altered the trajectory of the boat called me, by a matter of degrees.
Then I discovered magic, and that certainly altered the course of my life.
Then disaster struck, and I returned to Buddhist philosophy, after abandoning it once I hit high school.
By coming to see the truth behind anicca (impermanence) firsthand, I altered my course even more.
But it wasn't until I was just about to exit my 35th year, that I found the work of Werner Erhard. And then about eight months later, W. Timothy Gallwey.
It was through devouring their work that I discovered the key that eluded me for decades: You don't become a different person by adding new tips, tricks, and qualities to yourself, you become a different person by changing how the world occurs to you.
To use a phrase from Gallwey, that I love, "awareness is curative."
By changing how the world seems to you, and being aware of specific things, your life can change, naturally, without you forcing yourself to *be* a different way.
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It was learning this lesson, and incorporating many of the things that helped me before and after this lesson, that resulted in what I call the PRPS Process.
Explained, it's:
Be present
If you can't be present, be resilient
If you can't be resilient, be prepared
If you can't be prepared, be strategic
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What follows is not an endless list of recommendations for how to face any situation.
It's a series of things to do if the need arises, and it's designed to be simple and effective instead of exhaustive. Because the goal is to get back to living, not ruminating or strategizing.
Living is where being present happens. Where being aware happens. Where the natural solutions to your problems arise.
I hope that you're able to take what works for you, and leave what doesn't.
Let's start from the bottom.
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1) Be Present
- A) Remind yourself to return to Experience Mind, where awareness (and the natural solutions to your problems exist)
- B) Focus on following the breath to get back to Experience Mind
- (I find it helpful to follow it from the stomach, to the chest, to the nostrils and back and forth, instead of focusing on one set point (like the nostrils))
- C) If you can't return to it naturally, choose a Being/Mantra Sigil, or Awareness Sigil
2) Be Resilient
- A) Choose what is, what just happened/is happening, or your feelings about what is happening/what just happened
- I find it helpful to choose by saying either:
- 1) "Good, I get x"
- Ex: "Good, I get to feel anxiety, and learn how to better respond to it"
- 2) “I choose to have power with/when it comes to ____”
- Ex: “I choose to have power when it comes to not getting the raise I wanted”
- B) Choose a new Being/Mantra Sigil, or Awareness Sigil that's advantageous in the situation that's challenging your resilience
- C) Breath:
- Return to following your breath to re-center yourself (try to do for at least 60 seconds, if possible)
- Try to double-breathe, to calm your body
- Try to use cyclic hyperventilation to activate your adrenaline on your own terms, to empower yourself
- D) Ask:
- What don't I control here?
- What am I currently trying to control?
- What could I control that I'm not presently controlling?
- (These three questions, courtesy of W. Timothy Gallwey, are a more practical take on the Serenity Prayer)
- E) Remember:
- You're looking back at your past to remind yourself of what you've overcome or accomplished
- This can be a good way to remind yourself of the impermanence of your current challenging situation
3) Be Prepared
- A) Regroup (If you have a short period of time to get prepared):
- Take a short break, even if it's in the restroom, to give yourself time to get prepared
- Double-breathe (See above)
- Choose a new Being/Mantra Sigil, or Awareness Sigil (See above)
- B) Being Prepared With Other People/In Relationship With Others:
- Ask yourself what the other person is:
- Thinking?
- Feeling?
- Wanting?
- (When you know the answers, it can then inform your approach, and possibly a new Being/Mantra Sigil, or Awareness Sigil)
- C) Ask what would need to be true (wwntbt) to have the worst possible outcome (are there options to respond with if they happen?)
- D) Prioritize Sleep
- If you have enough preparation time, getting adequate sleep is giving yourself the best chance at responding to whatever happens
4) Be Strategic
- A) Ask:
- What is the desired outcome in x area Ask what would need to be true (wwntbt) to have worst outcome, if you're unsure of your desired outcome)
- wwntbt to fail to achieve desired outcome (limit to 4)
- Use your answers to choose a critical variable that is relevant to achieving that outcome to be your new Awareness Sigil
- B) Create New Sigils For Desired Outcomes
- See the Sigil Guide
- C) Reframe By Changing Your Definition of The Situation/Problem/Environment/Person/Goal
- Ask yourself wwntbt to fail to have the most empowering definition of x
Final Thoughts
This post may not make all that much sense, or be effective for you, unless you read the related linked pieces that you can find throughout.
Of course, this process works for me because I'm intimately familiar with all of the concepts.
But, I do believe that if you do the reading, and put some of these ideas into practice, you can find your own rewards.
And you may even find your own elements to add to each of the four parts.
With all of that said, if you're someone who wants to ward off anxiety, and be prepared for whatever life throws at you, I hope that you'll at least try the process, and see if it works for you.
I had to do a lot of suffering to find something that works, so hopefully you won't have to go through that.