Hexagram 53
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) never really worked for me.
It was always clunky and slow, full of things to remember like the difference between "core" and "intermediate beliefs," or the need to identify a bunch of "automatic thoughts" as you work on shifting to different perspectives.
But after being inspired by the work of a man named Morty Lefkoe, and coming up with my own variation of his reframing process, I created a form of Language Magic for myself that has produced some of the biggest mental breakthroughs I've had in years.
It's like being able to brainwash yourself for the better, on demand, in a world that would rather do that for you.
What follows is my process, as well as some examples of how it's worked for me, in hopes that it works just as well for you.
Remember That You're Easily Tricked, So You Can Trick Yourself For The Better
Many of us are so swallowed up by supposed certainty that we don't remember how malleable our minds really are.
Your life has been a graveyard of abandoned ideas and beliefs, but for some reason, we think that what we're thinking *right now* is the actual truth. We were wrong in the past, but now we're right.
One way I'd like to have you shake loose this sure-ness is by taking a look at this page.
Optical illusions lose their luster as we get older, but it's important to stop and appreciate just how easy it is for us to be fooled.
Our instant thoughts, perceptions, and interpretations are the half rabbit half bird optical illusions that bombard our brains on a daily basis.
Scan your past for signs that you were wrong, or at the least, for examples of former favorites falling out of favor for you.
We have rose colored prescription glasses for TV shows we grew up with that no longer hold up in the face of time. Bands that we once enjoyed that no longer resonate with us. Foods that we gave up and barely think about.
I'm hammering home on this aspect of shifting your perspective, and reframing your beliefs, because it's essential in actually thinking differently: Being sure of yourself is ignorant arrogance most of the time.
The thing to remember about your ever-fluctuating interpretations is just that: that they're interpretations. And you should stop and reflect on which interpretations are no longer working for you, instead of what is 'absolutely true'.
It's helpful to accept that gravity is going to keep our feet planted on the planet, but just about everything else is open to interpretation if you're looking to achieve more of what you want to achieve, and to attain the mental health you're hoping to attain.
And an unspoken secret is that if the world occurs to you in a certain way, your unconscious is going to find reinforcements for that worldview. Whatever you believe will attract evidence to convince you of it. If you learn a new word, you might start seeing that word wherever you end up reading. It's a funny little 'coincidence' that happens if you pay attention a little harder.
If you understand all of this, and are willing to be less 'sure' of yourself, let's get into how to actually use this tendency of our mind to our advantage.
How To Reframe Your Beliefs For Better Mental Health (And More Success)
I'm going to be as in-depth as possible on how to execute some successful reframing for yourself, and then show you how to zoom out to make it a little less complicated. Let's start with the first step:
1) Identify The Interpretation/Belief/Thought You're Going To Work With
This may be an easy step for you if there's a singular belief causing you distress. If you have a single belief you want to work with, let's use that, but if you don't:
- Identify a specific area of your life, and a specific thing about it that's not 'working' for you
- If necessary, get a notebook and a pen and let your stream of consciousness pour every belief/interpretation you have about what's not working for your life on to the page
- Choose the most pressing belief/interpretation that you want to work on first
- Ex: "Stress is a bad sign and it should be avoided" being the interpretation you want to work on
2) Validate: Identify Where This Interpretation/Belief Comes From
Chances are, your interpretation didn't pop up out of nowhere. Whether it comes from a specific moment of your childhood, or from a day at work last week, it has an origin. It's important that you validate that your interpretation seemingly has some basis or reason for existing.
Identify its source, and write it down.
Ex: The origin being "facing negative consequences throughout my past when I was feeling stress"
3) Invalidate: Look At What Actually Happened
It's important to remember that we're looking at "interpretations" regardgless of how urgent or 'real' our interpretation may seem.
You can do this by chopping away at the stories that are swallowing up what actually happened.
This is where it gets tricky. It's *very* hard for us to not see through a story.
Someone tripping, falling, and cutting their knee open is the what actually happened. 'They were clumsy and being completely inattentive' is a story.
Why?
Because 'clumsy' and 'inattentive' are interpretations. Those are judgements. If two people saw that person fall and start bleeding, they may come up with different interpretations that they disagree about, while they can actually agree that the person materially fell on to the pavement and started bleeding.
Unfortunately, we can't un-think blood away as much as we would like to. Once that blood hit the street, that person bled.
But 'clumsy' and 'inattentive' weren't tattooed on to the person's forehead when they fell, they were simply interpretations fueled by language.
Attractiveness, funny, art, bad, and good, are all things that exist only in language.
An email arriving in your inbox is a real thing. The intent of the sender to 'boss you around' is an interpretation. Is this starting to make sense?
So: tell yourself what actually happened when it comes to your own interpretation.
Ex: In the past I felt stressed, and while feeling stressed, I had interactions with others that I interpreted as negative in that moment because they weren't the outcomes I wanted to happen
4) Generating Interpretations That Work Better
The goal of generating alternative interpretations isn't to 'lie' to yourself.
You're not lying to yourself unless you are denying what actually happened, materially: Saying someone didn't fall down and start bleeding when you saw them fall down and start bleeding.
This is about interpreting events and circumstances differently, so that life works better for you.
Often, when I do this exercise, it's one or two alternative interpretations that I generate that I naturally gravitate towards. Trust that. If one or two are magnetic for you, and are conducive to making you at peace, or productive, let yourself believe them.
You don't have to justify any of this to anyone else, these are *your* interpretations, and that's not a problem unless you're denying the material actions that have occurred.
Here are some questions to ask if you need help reframing:
- What are alternate ways of looking at it?
- What are the benefits of something you think as negative?
- What would specific people outside of yourself think/interpret this as?
- What past event or experience contradicts the negative belief here?
- When have similar or identical things actually been beneficial for you or others?
- When have you been wrong about similar things, and how might you be wrong here?
- What moods would I like to create when it comes to this subject (and how can I reframe it to be conducive to that mood)?
If you want some reframing/re-interpreting examples for that belief we've been providing examples for:
Ex:
- A) Stress can give you energy to find new solutions to problems
- B) Finding solutions to more problems can make you more valuable
- C) Most solutions, in the moment, boil down to getting back into presence where it can help the right solutions get beamed into you
- D) If you ride the wave, it becomes its opposite
- E) Stress, when responded to by focusing on something or being distracted, allows impermanence to work and transform it into something else
These are all real examples from my personal life, and C & D have probably served me the best after doing this exercise. Those reminders, generated by myself, help a lot of stress slip away.
But let's touch on the objections you might have:
What To Do If You're Unconvinced That This Will Work For You
This exercise, I believe, needs to be done *by you* to work.
How many times have we been given great advice that we've discounted? We sort of feel like we're being strong-armed into feeling better about something we feel like shit about.
Sage advice goes through our ears and gets heard as being as valuable as stale popcorn.
Or, if you've ever been in therapy, your therapist tells you something that you instantly reject as being 'something that might work for others, but will never work for me'.
If you're unconvinced that this will work for you, the most important first step is taking a look at more optical illusions, and past beliefs that you've since abandoned.
If you don't see the malleability in all of that, this is unlikely to work for you.
But if you can see the validity in those points, the only thing that is going to convince you is doing the exercise yourself.
Often, we have the answers to our problems bubbling beneath the surface of our minds. As Timothy Gallwey has said (which I love): "awareness is curative."
If we give our minds the opportunity to answer our problems and re-interpret our unhelpful interpretations for the better, it often will.
If you're not willing to be wrong, your life will likely not improve until you decide you're OK with being wrong. It's your choice.
Final Thoughts
So, to simplify the process as much as possible:
- 1) Identify the interpretation or belief you want to re-interpret
- 2) Validate it by locating where it originates from
- 3) Invalidate it by looking at what materially (actually) happened
- 4) Generate alternative interpretations and let yourself gravitate to the most convincing or helpful ones
Unlike CBT, this can be a very fast process, with very fast results (in my experience, at least).
There's a quote from Alan Kay: “A change in perspective is worth 80 IQ points”
And while that's of course an unprovable approximation, my mind does work a lot better when I let it get around unnecessary roadblocks.
If you let yourself be wrong, you might also be pleasantly surprised by the results.