"Sometimes we assume it is through the inner commentary that we know the world. Actually, that inner speech does not know the world at all. It is the inner speech that spins the delusions that cause suffering. Inner speech causes us to be angry with our enemies and to form dangerous attachments to our loved ones. Inner speech causes all of life’s problems. It constructs fear and guilt, anxiety and depression. It builds these illusions as deftly as the skillful actor manipulates the audience to create terror or tears. So if you seek truth, you should value silent awareness and, when meditating, consider it more important than any thought."
- Ajahn Brahm - 'Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond'
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We constantly tell ourselves soap operas.
Whether it's in a literal soap opera, or after something "bad" happens to us, we're spinning tales.
A danger of stories is that they disarm your critical faculties by giving you a beginning, middle, and end that *seems* like it makes sense.
Many stories don't give us practical power.
They freeze ourselves, another person, or a situation into a set way of being, which in itself is a rejection of the fact that all arises and ceases.
It's all uncertain, and unpredictable.
But there's a reason why we've told stories for thousands of years.
They bring their own benefits.
So, let's get into how to spot a story, how to ensure you're not harmed by one, and briefly touch on the times they actually are beneficial.
How To Spot The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Often, something happens to us (the event), and we fill in the always present blanks with interpretations that make sense (the story), even when it's harmful to us.
Ex: We call someone and don't hear back immediately and then tell ourselves the story of "maybe they got hurt/killed" or "maybe they don't want talk to me."
There's three questions you can ask yourself to make sure you recognize when you're telling a story to ensure you don't unnecessarily accept it as fact:
1) Are you creating a belief of intention in a situation, when that intention was never explicitly stated or displayed?
Ex: Believing someone worded that message in that way to actively cause mental harm to us
2) Does it have a beginning, middle, and end (esp. if that end hasn't shown itself in reality yet)
Ex: Telling yourself A happened, which led to B (present), which will cause C in the very near future
It's deceptive to think that a beginning, middle, and end actually exists and isn't actually arbitrary for the most part.
Life isn't a movie, even though people like to sometimes say "my life is a movie."
There's arising and ceasing, but no clear signs will fall from the sky indicating we're at the beginning, middle, and end. Those are all constructions we've used to (sometimes effectively) communicate with each other.
It's important to separate the truth from the cloudy fiction.
3) Are you reading a mind?
Ex: Thinking someone purposely didn't wish us a happy birthday because they never liked us
If you're familiar at all with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), some of this should sound similar.
4) Are You Generalizing?
Generalizations are usually some form of a story.
Ex: ‘They always treat me like ____, they must really be trying to sabotage me"‘
Always and never are two words to look for when it comes to this, but keep an eye out for it in all of its forms.
5) Is It About The Past or The Future
Ex: ‘I already know how they’re going to treat me when I see them later’
Once you start delving into the past and future, you’re taking yourself out of experience and are relying either on a sometimes faulty memory, or a faulty prediction device.
It’s important to keep in mind that going either forward or backward might make you run into some storytelling.
What To Do When You Know That It's A Story (The DDRB Process)
Before you let a story go unchallenged in your life, ask yourself:
1) Does this story harm me?
If so, it's probably not worth it.
2) Does this story harm another?
If so, it's probably not worth it.
3) What ‘reward’ am I getting from telling myself this story?
If it's not positive, it's probably not worth it.
4) Is there a new way that I can 'be' that would make this story irrelevant?
This is where "being a sigil" can be beneficial.
If the story you're telling yourself is that you can't do anything right in a relationship, and one of your strengths is heedfulness, maybe try on 'being' the sigil of "My heedfulness always positively benefits my relationship."
If you're still unsure of how this works, be sure to click that link above to my 'Being A Sigil' post.
The Times That Stories Are Beneficial
Stories aren't necessarily "evil."
Even in Buddhism, where it's taught that it's in your best interests to look at everything through the lens of impermanent and uncertain, there's stories about the Buddha that are used to convey a lesson.
There's skillful means/upaya.
In looking at stories, I'd say there's three beneficial uses:
1) To entertain
Art, music, film. Even a documentary is telling a story, despite being based on "real" events.
As long as you know you're using a story for entertainment, where's the flaw?
2) To communicate
Like I mentioned above, there's religious scriptures that communicate their values with stories.
There's people in desperate need of assistance on fundraising sites that will unfortunately succeed or fail to meet their needs based on how persuasive their storytelling is and how receptive their audience is in assisting them.
Sometimes we can't escape communicating through a story, but at least you know you're telling a story.
3) To build positive feelings with others (though, they're often used to divide, maybe just as often)
Just look at politics to see how often stories are used to divide.
But look at our interactions with loved ones to see how often stories have been used to share and build positive emotions between us.
When the intention is positive, it's often the case that the results are positive.
Wrapping It Up
As we've seen, stories can both harm and help us.
It's when the stories slip under the door of your conscious mind that they cause problems. The times when it's a story with ramifications you didn't clear-mindedly choose.
But it's important to remember that there really isn't a "true" story. It's an interpretation, often of one person.
Even the oldest stories are getting challenged, and the older a story is, the more that many will consider it apocryphal.
Another but: when we are mindfully aware of when a story is being sent into our brains, we're in a much better place where we can protect ourselves from self-deception, and/or the deception of others.
Stories are a very human thing. We just need to recognize when we're in danger of making them Gods.