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Let me ask you a question: Why did people in, say, the '30s, '40s, and '50s, not need "life coaches"?
These were people that may have lost a limb in World War 2, or fell into financial ruin.
Sure, mental health problems existed then, and some people would have done well to be in therapy for their acquired trauma. But many made it without falling into despair, alcoholism, or off a rooftop.
Another important note, here: just because we've been in therapy, or have considered a life coach, doesn't mean that we're 'weaker' than those that came before us. I'd argue that many of us have just forgotten about, or never learned of our capacity for extreme resilience.
The Truth About Life Coaches (And Just About Everyone Else Selling Certainty)
With a shroud of celebrity culture enveloping our society, we see others as enviable.
We try to emulate their charisma, their personality, their bank account, and their lip filler.
We see people with a modicum of fame as being somehow 'smarter' than us. Wiser, maybe.
They have their lives figured out because a "K" follows their follower count.
They have the answers. Sometimes to questions we didn't know we needed the answer to.
The truth is, another person doesn't have *all* the truthes. This line of thinking is how cults sprout up.
Fame is the new lottery ticket, not the new virtue.
Before life coaches, and influencers, the societal lottery included only actual lottery winners, CEOs, athletes, and actors. Now everyone is clamoring to be plucked from the stuffed animal crane game, and come out with their own Tequila brand.
Because we're scrolling through a room of mirrors throughout our days, we're forced to be self-conscious to a debilitating extent.
We think we're lesser because our jobs don't require an Instagram post. We're stuck on the 9-5 wheel, and unionization pales in comparison to the brightness of a ring light and quick-cut Youtube video.
We dream of having exited the impoverished Earth's gravitational pull, so we can live amongst the other wealthy satellites that look down on the dots below.
We want to make a buck that doesn't break our backs, because we can't stand the thought of being in the same job, with the same financial capacity.
It's understandable, especially because we've essentially been brainwashed into thinking our lives and work don't matter if we can't trade places with the envied.
But I'll remind you again: this is the modern day lottery system.
These others that fell into unexpected financial windfalls doesn't necessarily equip them with the wisdom you're looking for to solve your weight, relationship, mental health, or social problems.
The truth is, we can all learn from each others' experiences. Books are a great way of doing so, and so are some online courses. But looking for anyone to be your savior is asking for a steep stumble.
Seek experts in your area of need, but don't seek certainty from a human being. The former is possible, while the latter isn't.
The other truth is: we've gotta save ourselves. And the good news is: you've been doing that from the day you were born, even if you don't believe it, or see it now.
The Alternative To Life Coaches: Being Your Own
We've all accomplished something that others in the world would find amazing.
We've all overcome things that would seem insurmountable to a stranger.
It's this that inspired my piece about our personal "Win Lists."
Before you throw money at a problem, throw awareness at it, like I've discussed with what I call "Awareness Sigils."
You can use the PRPS Process that's worked for me, without spending thousands of dollars.
If you've never tried to reframe your negative beliefs, give that a shot before signing up for someone's expensive workshop.
If anxiety is your biggest problem, I've dealt with that in my life, too, and have found better ways of handling it.
And because I know how popular shadow work is at the moment, I wrote about that as well.
The point is: we have the ability to be resourceful, and help ourselves before surrendering to a supposed messiah that only accepts credit cards.
There's words out there written by people that spilled blood, sweat, and tears to speak them. Many of these solutions are free. And many are more rewarding when you realize that you had what it took to pull yourself out of a slump.
If you'd rather hear some of these lessons from a voice other than me, here's three books to start with:
All three are from the domain of "Ontological Coaching" which is just a complicated way of saying 'systems to change your state of being and how the world occurs to you'. It's this perspective that I speak from on Two Dreams, and it's what I've seen the most success with.
1) Language And The Pursuit of Happiness
- A great, fun, reassuring book that tells you how to change your state of being instead of following some '10 Tips For Success' steps post
- Instead of joining some pyramid scheme cult, read this book, and get the same effects as a large group awareness training (for the most part), without spending hundreds of dollars
- And: avoid the Heidegger on your first read of it, for best results
- A book that's great for helping you come up with new Intended Beings to embody in the world
If You're Still Considering Life Coaching ...
Maybe I didn't convince you that you dind't need life coaching. If so, here's what I'd say for how to know if you do and don't actually need it:
How To Know If You Really Need A Life Coach
- You've already done therapy, and have worked out a lot of your old trauma, but you can't improve your performance in one or more areas of your life
- You have no time or desire to read the posts and books provided in this post
- You've tried the practices laid out in the posts from this blog, and the recommended books, and are still in front of a brick wall
- You have a lot more money than you have time and can afford to hire someone with impressive long-term results for clients
How To Know That You Don't Need A Life Coach
- Your problems are tied to past trauma that even something like my Different Perspectives post hasn't helped with
- In this case, find a reputable therapist
- You're in an emergency situation
- (Seek actual medical help in this situation)
- You don't yet believe that no one person will have all of your answers
- You don't have thousands of dollars to spend on an annual basis
- You haven't read any of the linked posts, and haven't read at least one of the linked books
Final Thoughts
There's definitely people out there improving lives through life coaching.
I'd say most of them actually want to help and have pure motives in their attempts to do so.
But there's a danger of seeking out life coaching when what you really need is therapy.
And there's another danger of seeking out life coaching when you haven't realized the power you possess on your own.
I hope that you're able to give yourself a chance to solve your own problems with cunning and resourcefulness, before you dish out thousands to someone who's not far removed from yourself.
There's a lot of resources out there, and sometimes the cheapest ones are most effective.
Good luck.