Hexagram 26 > 8
To some, the "this is fine" dog looks to be caught in some self-deluding coping mechanism that's taken over at the end of his life.
Maybe because I'm crazy, I now can see it also as an illustration of empowerment.
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While I haven't attended a Landmark Forum session, and have no real plans to, I have benefitted from their particular brand of self-help teachings.
'Speaking Being', a book-version transcript of a three day session when Landmark was called The Forum, has been one of the most impactful things I've read.
It features Werner Erhard, with almost twenty years of experience with these events, creating experiences for the participants that unlock some new ways of 'being' (and thinking).
At the time of this post, I've read 'Speaking Being' twice (skipping over most of the Heidegger twice). But it wasn't until the second reading that "Choice" as a concept really drove itself home into the recesses of my brain.
While I would certainly recommend reading the book yourself because its effectiveness derives from the immersion of the act of reading it, but what follows is my own interpretation and use of "Choice," and how it can change how you interact with the world.
What Choice Actually Is
Choosing is taking response-ability for whatever you're facing.
And by saying 'I take this on, willingly', it softens the blow.
It differs from deciding.
The genre of self-help decision making hacking is often motivated by a desire to be off-the-hook for negative outcomes.
To eliminate risk.
But risk will never disappear. Risk and problems are the prices we pay to see our heartbeats tap against our t-shirts.
While it can certainly be beneficial to handle big decisions delicately, especially when they involve major life changes, I'd argue that it's almost equally as important to 'choose' your decision once you've come to it.
By doing so, you're accepting the risk of it, and whatever comes next.
So, to make this a bit clearer: decisions often arrive as a result of reasons. Our past experience, our analysis, our weighing of pros and cons.
Choosing doesn't have those elements. It's closer to acceptance, except acceptance implies some passivity that choice lacks.
Choosing is deciding to be the creator of an experience instead of the created. A changer instead of the changed. Cause instead of effect.
If it sounds like a trivial distinction, you haven't gotten it yet, and that's OK, that's my failure in this situation. But hopefully, as we get further into it, it starts to resonate a bit more.
Choosing As Mental Magic
This is one of those things that shouldn't work.
But I've found that it acts in a very subtle way. A mental magic kind of way.
And the reason for its effectiveness, I believe, is that we understand, agree, and then disagree.
Olivia Fox Cabane wrote about this in her book, 'The Charisma Myth':
“Our brains are wired first to understand, then to believe, and last to disbelieve. Since disbelief requires additional cognitive effort, we get the physiological effects first. And, though this belief may last only a brief moment, it’s enough to produce an emotional and physical reassurance, which can change our thought patterns as well as help alleviate the uncomfortable feelings.”
I believe *that's* essentially the mechanism behind why choosing whatever you're facing in the moment works.
Let's talk about how I actually execute it.
How To Choose
1) Get Rid of The Confusion To Get Clear On What You’re Experiencing
Sometimes you can feel like it's not working simply because you haven't even identified what's come up, or what you're currently facing, so you're not clear about what you can actually choose.
This is the first step, because confusion is the enemy here.
You need to take a second to step back and ask what you're thinking, feeling, seeing, hearing.
Ex: Entering into a conversation where you're going to have to defend your position and persuade someone. In this case, you can choose the anxiety you feel, or maybe even the challenge you're facing. But it's important to get clear on that.
You can't choose when everything is amorphous, unless you choose the confusion.
2) Choose Your Way of Choosing
A) The False Binary Form of Choosing
The form of choosing that has worked best for me has been to stare at the less than desirable path, action, task, or challenge in front of me, and then put beside it in my mind the first worst option I can think of.
Ex: Waking up and feeling aversion at the thought of a long day at work, and using sleight of mind to ask if I’d prefer to have less than $500 in my sock drawer with no financial savior in sight
You want, ideally, to use a choice of something you actually experienced in the past and found to be unpleasant or un-ideal.
By it being a real thing, the false choice packs more of a punch, though, fictional optional choices may work for you as well. And by letting yourself roll with whatever first, or second option that pops in your mind, you have a more natural false binary in front of you.
Doing this is a simple way to quickly reframe some of our least favorite activities.
B) The ‘Good’ Option
Whether you’re feeling confusion, you’ve just been criticized, or any other life event happened that you need to deal with, tell yourself: ‘Good’.
Just by telling yourself that, I’ve found in my personal experience, that it offers a placebo effect form of mental magic.
You instantly accept that challenge and start seeing ways to overcome it, or be at peace with it.
‘Good’ neutralizes, and allows you to move forward, instead of feeling stuck in a disaster (see Hexagram 5 line 4 - 5.4).
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C) The Empowerment Option
Alternatively, you can choose the more direct empowerment route:
‘I choose to have power when it comes to ____’.
or
‘I choose to be a factor when it comes to ____’.
or
‘I choose to have influence when it comes to ____’.
The blank being whatever situation or set of circumstances you’re faced with.
Choosing in this way has the added benefit of reminding yourself that you do have power in the situation.
But either way you execute it is likely to help, because you’re reminding yourself that you have agency here. You’re not just a person being acted upon.
3) After Choosing, Let What Comes, Come
Even though you can choose your present circumstances, you can't control every outcome. You can, however, choose the outcomes that do arrive.
So, if something bad happens after you’ve told yourself ‘I choose’ and after you’ve chosen that moment, just choose the negative circumstances with another ‘Good’, or ‘I choose’.
Not doing so risks de-empowering yourself. It risks making you something effected instead of something that causes. It makes you a victim instead of a potential victor.
It’s better to step into the unavoidable than to fight it off on your backfoot in retreat mode.
It’s not easy, but it’s preferrable to being tossed about in the gusts of life, against your volition.
4) Troubleshooting: Choose What's Most Empowering By Zooming In or Out
I understand, the idea of choosing some of the worst things that can happen to us doesn't feel that empowering.
It feels like lying to yourself. In that case, zoom in or out as needed.
Ex: A family member dies, and it doesn't feel very empowering to 'choose' their death. So, choose the dissatisfaction that comes up as a result of it with an ‘I Choose’. Choose the uncertainty, choose the sadness, choose whatever gives you the most power.
When you choose your stress (as we can do if we practice a breathing technique like cyclic hyperventilation), it stops being stress.
If something traumatic happened in your past, you can choose your past with an ‘I choose’.
Or if you still wish you didn't have that past, choose your problems with that part of your history with a different ‘I choose’.
The point is not to lie to yourself, it's to keep you off of your heels.
You don't have to be carried by the winds of change, you have the option to be it. Even in your darkest moments.
Wrapping It Up
If this all sounded like wishful thinking, keep it moving.
Not everything is for everybody, but since emphasizing this practice in my life, I've found it allows things to go a lot smoother.
It subconsciously reminds me that I have power in the situation, so I can get back to acting in an effective way in the present.
You may not get as many miles out of it (or maybe you might), but there's only one way to find out.