How To Live Good And Handle External Events According To Stoicism

While Stoicism gets the superficial airport bookstore treatment, those entry-level editions to the philosophical canon can lead others on to a path of self betterment.

When I revived my interest in Stoicism, though, I wanted to leap into the primary sources, as well as those heady big Greek word-using tomes like Tad Brennan's 'The Stoic Life' and A.A. Long's work on 'Epictetus'.

What I ended up with after the deep-dive, and putting the principles into practice, was a set of heuristics for how to live that "good life" that Stoicism espouses.

I'm not the foremost scholar of Stoicism, but what I offer below are the rules of thumb that work for me when I want to direct my life in a more conscious way, aligned with Stoic virtues, and with some level of detachment from external events that are beyond my control.

Hopefully, by reading, you'll end up with some heuristics that can help you answer questions life aims at your head, with Stoic solutions that have worked for a couple thousand years.

What Is Eudaimonia (Or The 'Good Life')

If we just look at the world, we'd assume that pleasure is good, and displeasure is bad.

With Stoicism, that premise is hacked away, and replaced with the idea that Virtue (which we'll get into below) is the only good, and Vice (which we'll also get into) is the only bad.

If we go through life thinking only pleasure is good, it can lead to some decisions that go against our long-term interest.

Fast food starts to look like the perfect dinner, cheating starts to look like the perfect relationship strategy.

A way I like to look at it is: what way of life will lead me to the least amount of regret.

After a life that included such vices as binge drinking and binge eating, I prefer the Virtue and Vice way of looking at the world, and my own actions. Maybe you will too if you have any interest in Stoic philosophy.

The Difference Between Internals and Externals

Stoicism is *really* focused on distinguishing between internals and externals (and detaching from the latter).

What's an 'Internal'?

Our mind's reasoning faculty. In my world, it's my PRPS Process, allowing me to influence my internal states for the better, in the face of challenging externals.

You can choose something, you can decide something, but ultimately, you can't control the actual physical doing of it, or the results.

So, what's an 'External'?

The results, the behavior of others, whether we take a step and twist our ankle, whether our goals manifest in the physical.

While, I'd argue, our internals can have a bit of an influence on externals, it's probably in our best interest to not count on that.

Sure, you'll prove yourself right from time to time, but it could be enough of an external focus to knock you out of that 'good life'.

I like to remind myself: Let externals take care of externals.

And:

The unexamined external is not worth fearing.

Why Internals Are Better Than Externals

Seeing internals as better than externals is one of those tricks of mind that only seem possible with the most dedicated monks or sages.

But some ways of looking at it that have helped me see things a bit closer to that ideal are:

- Only virtue is good (ask if you prefer seeing things as virtue or vice, or pleasure and displeasure, and which cause more suffering)

- We have the greatest control over internals (The PRPS Process)

- Externals are more likely than internals to spark passion, craving, attachment, wrong view (rejection of anicca, anatta, dukkha (if we're using Buddhist terminology), acceptance of vice)

- Externals should be used as tools to cultivate more virtue

- Wanting externals can make you a slave to whoever controls them

- Epictetus, a former slave, loves tossing the slave word at his disciples to knock some sense into them when it comes to not focusing on the things you can't control

What You Don't Want

There's the idea of the "Stoic Sage," unmoved by human matters, free from the grips of emotion, and faultless in the face of any kind of fork in the road.

It's similar to the Buddhist ideal of an individual that has reached parinibbana/nibbana: the human that successfully overcame all of the touchstones of being a flawed human.

While it's nice to aim high, let's ground our aspirations in something a little more practical: overcoming passion.

What makes something a 'passion' instead of a regular 'emotion'? I'd say:

- An emotion falls in the passion category when it comes with a feeling of desperation

- Ex: Scrambling to preserve something that's on the verge of being lost, or a relentless drive to 'get' something

- When you start to tell yourself 'I have to have x', it's probably no longer a harmless emotion

- Secondly:

- A passion is seeing an external as important/valuable

The Four Passions To Avoid

As an acronym, we can call it DDFP:

- Desire: Seeing something external as something good to be desired/wanted

- Ex: That latest microplastic-coated knock-off shirt inspired by the original you saw on some sunglassed-celebrity

- Dejection: Seeing externals as a reason to feel defeated

- Ex: Feeling that there's no reason to create anything in a world destined for hurricanes and droughts

- Fear: Seeing something external as a reason to be afraid

- Ex: The 'Sunday Scaries' that turns the walk to your desk a trip to a haunted house

- Pleasure: Seeing something external as pleasurable and something that needs to be continued/encouraged

- Ex: Not wanting to pull your hand out of that plastic bag offering fried, ultra-processed food-like substances

What You Do Want

The four Stoic virtues can become the acronym: TWJC

- Temperance:

- A helpful way of looking at temperance is asking on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being detached, and 10 being as indulgent as you can possibly be, where am I right now?

- Ajahn Chah, the famous Buddhist monk, has his own phrase for The Middle Way: Por Dee (Just Right)

- Ask yourself is this just right? Or is it too much, or too little

- Wisdom:

- This is simply knowing virtue is the only good, and vice is the only bad

- Justice:

- You can try the Golden Rule for this one, simply treating others the way you would want to be treated

- Or you can go for the Tit for Tat approach, treating another as they treat you

- Courage:

- Using the PRPS Process, or Socratic Method are two ways you can work on this

You can really just think of these as beneficial ideals you can aim for amidst life's uncertainty.

What's A Preferred And Dispreferred Indifferent

Just because something is external to us doesn't mean we can't engage with it. It doesn't even mean we can't aim for it.

But when it becomes a passion, as described above, that's when it's a problem.

A preferred indifferent is something like keeping your job or getting one that pays better, having enough money, having enough to eat, having some shingles above your head.

A dispreferred indifferent can be health problems, homelessness, physical conflict. Nothing we really hope for when we wake up to face the day.

There's a 'No-Shoving' model described by the above-mentioned Tad Brennan, and I look at it using a few lines from the I Ching:

We can aim for preferred indifferents by:

- Hexagram 22.2

- Pursuing superficial improvements without being driven by passion

- Hexagram 4.4

- Not harming or being harmed by others in the process

- Hexagram 13.5

- Keeping in mind the greater good as you pursue a preferred indifferent

- Note: What qualifies something as being for the greater good? You can ask if it helps or harms both you, your worst enemy, and the masses that populate the world

How To Live In Accord With Nature

Living life in accord with nature (and Zeus) is important in Stoicism.

Some ways of looking at it that have helped me are:

- Does this keep you alive

- Does this keep you pursuing and embodying vice over virtue

- Does this help you accept 'what is' (externals) when it is out of your hands/power

- Does this adhere to the Hexagram 22.2 - 4.6 - 13.5 way of dealing with indifferent externals

- Visualizing a zoom out, above your head view to maintain perspective (as mentioned in my dispassion post)

Final Thoughts

I didn't aim for this to be some exhaustive study on Stoic Ethics.

What I hope you have are practical frames to think about Stoic ethics and guides to life, while you're out living in the real world.

For me, separating things in the internal, externals boxes can simplify much of life.

And knowing that most things are a reframe away from being tolerable, using something like the Socratic Method, can be empowering. And I hope it's empowering for those reading this.

While it's not an easy way to live compared to simply seeking out pleasure, I've found it to be a much more effective way of avoiding regret, and suffering just a little bit less. If some of you come away with the same feeling, this will have been a success.

Socrates In Your Head: How To Avoid Cognitive Dissonance