If we're being technical about it, a "hallucination" got me to stop drinking.
If I'm being specific, though, it was the ‘Enochian Angels’ that did it.
I was early into my practical magic career in May 2018, and I stumbled over this difficult angelic language to gain access to the "30th Aethyr."
An event that immediately announced itself to me with some brief visual sparkles.
I closed my eyes to "scry" and saw a white mass transform into different shapes.
And then it became the form of an all-white cross-legged figure meditating.
Then it was gone.
Soon I was off to see the Han Solo movie (you know the one, it has the direct name).
I sat there fried, without any psychedelic chemicals flowing through my blood.
And after maybe two months of drinking every other week, instead of weekly, I decided that this Chewbacca-and-entity-filled day would be the one I stopped drinking on.
--
Over five years later, I'm still sober.
But it took a lot of internal change to find staying the course enjoyable, and most importantly, fulfilling.
I ramped up my meditation practice, tore away my false "self" with Buddhism, and got a lot of practice in being assertive about my not-drinking with plenty of people that couldn't believe I gave up something so ... 'fun.'
Despite the resistance, the choice became one of the most fortuitous that I’ve made in all of my years on Earth.
Paralyzing hangovers, acidic vomit, and drunkenly firebombed relationships are just three of the things I no longer had to worry about.
And the spiritual approach to sobriety that I ended up creating for myself, simply out of trial-and-error, became something that helped my partner on her own sobriety journey.
So, I said 'why not try to help others embrace the same path with what worked for me'?
--
What follows is essentially a system of supports that anyone could build up, that have helped me, and might help you, in creating enough stability in your life that drinking is no longer possible, and no longer appealing.
My definition of magic is "the changing of experience through indirect or sly/clever means," and by that definition, there's a number of forms of magic that you can find below.
Maybe not all of it is for you, but I hope what you do find gives you momentum to get away from alcohol, and get closer to the life you want.
Let's begin.
1) Breathwork
The Sun's been out for hours, but it's not until noon that my eye finally decides to crack open.
Which is fortunate for my girlfriend that patiently allowed me to rest without cracking the blinds like she would have preferred, in our no-bedroom-walls apartment.
It was just another three bottles of champagne, and a 3AM bedtime that turned my circadian clock into an oatmeal-like mush.
And on top of that, I no longer had the euphoria of the booze, just an underlying anxiety, continuously pricking my brain.
Life was like this for a long time.
Eventually, I gave up alcohol. But the depression and anxiety I tried to momentarily mask with the substance, remained.
Work matters still had a hold of my emotions.
Managing a team, I'd learn, is a creative way to generate new things to be anxious about each day.
When everything employment-related came to a head, I quit.
But it helped me learn again, just how important your breath is when it comes to your state of mind.
In addition to the cyclic hyperventilation that often gave me a bit of a high when I would do it correctly, I learned of something from a Stanford professor named Andrew Huberman, that I now call the "Double-Breathe."
And with that, here I was, years after booze, with a way to actually calm down and fall asleep. Without deciding it's a good time to thumb my way through every hardship and fear that was shoved in the filing cabinet of my mind that day.
--
Breathwork is the first to-do when it comes to Spiritual Sobriety, because it can give you the quickest wins.
Cyclic Hyperventilation is a great tool for me when I need to un-depress myself.
The Double-Breathe is great when I need to relax myself.
When you learn how to do both of these things, you can regulate your mental state and mood on your own.
Without turning towards a drop of alcohol.
It won't solve all problems, but when you begin to see how you have that kind of power, it can be *empowering* to you, and your journey towards sobriety.
Instead of writing about this more here, I'll link you to my post that deals exclusively with breathwork.
--
2) The Impermanent Identity of Being A Drinker
A friend of mine called me "Champagne John."
It was a name I didn't mind when I was seeking out new bottles of Cava.
I was the guy who drank wine, instead of vodka or gin.
I was the person at the liquor store walking out with a New Year's Eve haul every weekend.
Hundreds of dollars each month to try to suspend myself in the air of the high.
But in May 2018, after cutting my drinking back to every other week, I realized I started to like the aftermath of the non-drinking weeks to the ones where I'd be up to the early hours of Sunday morning, indulging in music and bubbles.
So, I stopped drinking.
And then I kept not drinking.
A year had passed, and I still wasn't drinking.
When I realized how easy it was to keep up the habit, I realized I I had freed myself, and I was no longer "a drinker." Or the guy who "loves champagne."
I was now the person, who after cutting out soda in my freshman year of high school, was also the person that gave up alcohol in a world that seemingly wants you to stay intoxicated.
The new identity wasn't so bad.
--
I believe you can also change your identity from "drinker" to "sober."
It may not be "easy," but it's doable. And when it's done, it gives you the knowledge that you can change all sorts of identities that are affixed to you on a daily basis.
But let's go into the first way we can chip away at that 'drinker identity': The Four Pillars of Practical Buddhism
The Four Pillars of Practical Buddhism
I believe you can apply Buddhist ideas, and techniques, without ever calling yourself a Buddhist (and really, if you call yourself a Buddhist, you're kind of not being a Buddhist, but that's another story).
The four most important ideas are Anicca (Impermanence/Not Sure/Maybe-Maybe Not), Anatta (Not-Self), Dukkha (Struggle, Dissatisfaction), and Khanti (Patient Endurance). Let's go in depth with them all:
Anicca - Impermanence - Not Sure - Maybe-Maybe Not
This idea is simply: Everything is impermanent.
Whether it's a Roman statue, your washing machine, or your fingernails, they're all impermanent.
If you have any doubts, let's run through a bunch of different observations you can make to drill this home for you:
The Impermanence of Sound
- Your neighbor will not be playing music forever, and it may not always be that type of music, at that time of day
- The dripping faucet wasn't always that way, and won't always be that way. And the pace of the dripping may not always be the same
- Your air conditioner may not be on for the whole year, it may not always sound the same, and it may not always work the same (the same with your heater
- The songs you like may not stay the same. Your tolerance for it may go up or down. That artist may fall out of your favor, and the content of their music may change
The Impermanence of Sight
- Most people that wear glasses didn't start wearing them the day they were born, their vision changed
- The Sun will change throughout the day, causing different shades of light to hit your body, clothes, and home
- Animals and humans don't always see things the same, down to the colors that we're able to register
- What looks attractive to you now, may not be the same a year from now
The Impermanence of Touch
- In a worst case scenario, you can lose your sense of touch if you get something like nerve damage
- If you touch your window in the dead of Winter, it'll feel different than the middle of Summer
The Impermanence of Taste
- If you haven't experienced it, you've likely heard about how COVID can alter your sense of taste
- You may not always have the same favorite food. It may taste different after a while
- If you're eating something new, the "not sure-ness" will be how, exactly, will it taste. Bitter, sweet, salty, sour?
- A food or drink may spoil, which will likely change the taste for the worst
The Impermanence of Emotional Feeling
- This is the kind of impermanence that's with us moment-to-moment. How many times has your mood gone up to down, down to up?
- Something that causes you anxiety may later become something that brings you great joy
- If you tell yourself "I'm so angry," and set a timer for when that emotion changes, you'll likely hit stop at some point because that feeling morphed into something new, or at the least, slightly different (this is a good exercise to try when you think the bad will last forever)
The Impermanence of You
- The title may sound scary, but it doesn't have to be. We are all impermanent, but that's sometimes the biggest blessing we receive. We can choose to be someone brand new in a sense, not beholden to our past bad habits
- Our lifespan is impermanent, but the anxiety we may feel about that fact is impermanent in its own right. If we're afraid of impermanence, it's because we're not seeing the impermanence in that fear
Anatta - Not-Self - Maybe-Maybe Not - A Trip Down Memory Lane (To Prove A Point) To Understand The Process That Is You
- Think about who you were in elementary school, high school, and then when you became of drinking age
- Those three individuals likely have some similarities, but they are also likely vastly different in many ways
- We grow out of clothes we thought were ours, fall in and out of hobbies, friendships, relationships, and states of mind
- People we used to know may remark on how much we've changed since the last time we saw them, or knew them
I say all of this to try to put "Not-Self" into as practical of terms as I can:
It simply means that this "self" is a process. So, you're a process.
If we could step out of time and look at the whole of our life in some way, it'd be like a magician's handkerchief, red tied to blue tied to yellow tied to green.
Different identities, and roles, and habits, that you shifted in and out of, naturally. It just kind of happened.
And all of those belongings and relationships you possessed shifted in their own ways, too.
So, there's no one set "you," and because there's no set "you," all of your belongings and traits and relationships are simply associated with you during this long process we call a self (and life).
But the good thing is: This identity of being a "drinker" doesn't really hold up when you begin to poke at it.
Ask yourself what story you're telling yourself when you think you can't give up drinking, and then ask yourself for the evidence that it's true.
If you can see how much you've changed since the 8th grade, or even how much you changed since you had your first drink, you can likely see that giving up alcohol is a very realistic possibility in this process we call life.
Dukkha - Dissatisfaction - Struggle
The idea behind Dukkha is that because everything is impermanent, nothing can bring you a stable, steady supply of satisfaction.
The feelings are bound to change.
But, like I mentioned above, you're not seeing impermanence properly if you think only the good times are impermanent (it's tough to hold both in mind, I know).
It's easy for those looking at Buddhism from the outside of the practices to feel intimidated by Dukkha, but it's important to know there's the idea of Sukkha (happiness) as well.
So, on the journey of sobriety, the process that is you is bound to feel some dissatisfaction, as well as satisfaction, but if you're here communicating with me, there's a reason we think the Sukkha from booze is not worth it.
Khanti - Patient Endurance
Patience is important to keep in mind, because you can't suddenly become 15 years sober.
This is where the Dialectical Behavior Therapy idea of "surfing the urge" will help. And which keeping a consistent meditation practice will also help.
You sit with those feelings and wait for them to transform into something new. You let impermanence do the legwork for you.
I know that it's also helpful for me in maintaining patience when I remember that the Buddha said patient endurance "is the supreme incinerator of defilements."
Identify What Exactly You're Getting From Alcohol
After alcohol, food became a big vice of mine.
Instead of knocking down bottles of champagne, I devoured bags of chips.
I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge that even though I talked negatively about my weight, I was still getting something positive from a destructive binge eating habit: a Canola Oil Antidepressant.
This is where you have to be honest about the gains you're hoping to get every time you drink.
Be honest about it with yourself, and list out the "benefits."
Then ask yourself if the reality of the experience is actually matching up to that story you're telling yourself.
Creating A New Possibility For Your Life
With all of that Buddhism packed in, and an acknowledgement of the damage that alcohol is doing to you (and why you've been continuing the habit) it's helpful to now think about the new direction you want to walk in.
Sure, you want to stop drinking, but what life do you hope to live.
Get specific here. What does it look like and feel like.
Who specifically do you want to be?
One suggestion is: A person that can consistently transform their life in ways that others feel are incredibly difficulty, or essentially impossible.
Because if you're giving up drinking in a drinking-heavy society, that's basically what you're doing.
State it as the possibility you want, tell others that you're changing, and then stay true to your own word.
Not for anyone else's sake, but because it's the most effective way to bring you power over your life.
When I started telling myself that I had to be true to my word of limiting my binge eating, it suddenly became easier.
I was getting a reminder that by sticking to my word I'd be getting a power over my life that no one else could really give me.
It's not easy, but it's actually doable.
And it'll be easier when we get into building strong habits.
--
3) How To Make Habits, And Stop Habits
Quitting drinking didn't necessarily solve my "body issues."
While I wasn't pumping cup after cup of sugary, bubbly alcohol into my body, I still had extra pounds slapped on to my stomach that prevented me from going too far down when tightening my belt.
And after an injury, my habit of going to the gym went down the drain.
I thought that because of the medication I took, I was practically forced to keep the bathroom digital scale in a particular range.
But right around New Year's 2020, I devoured a new book by BJ Fogg, called 'Tiny Habits'.
Because of that book, I created a new habit of exercise, that didn't take 30 days to ingrain in my brain.
I was suddenly working out daily.
By 2021, I was at my lowest weight in a decade.
And while I have gained some weight back, almost four years later, that exercise habit is still a part of my life.
--
Making habits is a skill, rather than luck.
There's a system to it, and I'm confident that you can make new, healthy habits in your life, while successfully discontinuing the ones that are detrimental.
You can find my guide to creating new habits, and stopping old ones, here.
If you've read it, and understand how they work, some of the habit ideas below might help you, or at the very least, help you generate ideas for additional ones.
Habit Ideas
- Doing cyclic hyperventilation, or double-breathing whenever you have the urge to drink
- Buying one of your favorite snacks at the grocery store instead of going down the beer/wine aisle
- Buying a new/your favorite sparkling water every time you want to buy alcohol
- Changing your route home to avoid a trigger location
- Removing, Ignoring, or Avoiding the prompt that usually gets you drinking
- Giving a donation to the political party/charity you hate every time you have a drink
- Making yourself circle the block twice before allowing yourself to consider parking in front of the liquor store/bar
--
4) How To Meditate To Strengthen Your Self-Control
By 2014, I had owned the book, 'Mindfulness In Plain English', for years, and I still hadn't created a meditation habit.
But with anxiety that hovered above me like a Sims character diamond, I decided that now was the time.
I read the instructions, and started what (most of the time) was a 10-minutes a day meditation habit.
Almost five years later, I would sometimes meditate for an hour in a day.
While you can't easily live in a meditative state, the consistency of the habit kept me much more even, especially after giving up alcohol seemed to free up a part of my brain I had long neglected.
And one night as I sat concentrating on my breath, with my timer set for an hour, I felt a strange tingling sensation on the top of my head.
I had heard that phenomena like this can, and does happen as you progress with your practice.
While the standard advice (and advice I give myself) was to disregard the sensations and get back into your practice, it was a landmark moment for my practice.
It was seemingly a confirmation that all of my time meditating was paying off, in subtle ways.
--
While I don't recommend chasing sensations and phenomena that come with meditation, and letting go of them when they do come, I can't deny that there's a part of you that thinks of it as a success.
But the true results of your meditation practice will come when you interact with the world differently on a daily basis.
--
As the Thai Forest Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Chah, once said: you can't have mindfulness without concentration, and vice versa.
Despite that fact, I believe that it can be beneficial to sometimes go into a meditation session with an objective.
This could be to emphasize the concentration aspect, or to focus more on mindfulness, and seeing the impermanence of all of the phenomena.
By consciously choosing the focus, you can actively build up a concentration skill, or a mindfulness skill.
So, even though the distinction isn't real in the ultimate sense, let's look at how to meditate with these two goals in mind, in a conventional sense.
There's four ways I can personally meditate: S (Set-point), G (Gap Meditation), B (Breath Meditation), M (Mantra Meditation).
Set-point and mantra are the types that emphasize concentration, while gap and breath are good for building up mindfulness.
Instead of going into the how-to of all of these here, I'll link you to the singular post I did on all of them, here.
--
5) Dealing With Social Peer Pressure When You Want To Stop Drinking
It was another company trip in October 2017, and my girlfriend and I were emerging from a drunken nap, in a Times Square hotel room.
There was a VIP party at a nearby nightclub, and we knew we had to hurry if we wanted to imbibe even more.
When we got there, neon lights hit our clothes, and music vibrated our intoxicated bodies, but something tragic happened when we got to the VIP section: we learned that my boss had stopped ordering bottles of alcohol.
Instead of drinking more, we would have to sit there with a dwindling alcohol high, hearing the latest and greatest of New York hip hop.
--
But there was a reversal in less than a year.
In May 2018, I had given up alcohol.
And now, the CEO that told me there was no more alcohol on the way made it a regular habit to ask me if I was drinking again.
It would be peppered into conversations, and in future company trips I got to field that repeated peer pressure to drink.
But, fortunately for me, doing what I want to do instead of what others want me to do was relatively easy, and had been for much of my life. Especially when I know I'd be the one suffering for it.
So, it was a sense of empowerment every time I turned down a drink.
Even when the person pushing me to take a sip was the man cutting my checks.
--
I believe that you too can dodge pressure to drink.
And I believe you can do it in a way that's diplomatic, especially when you still have a use for some of those "bridges."
The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to just be up-front and say "I'm avoiding alcohol for the foreseeable future," so I have included responses like those, but I know that's not ideal for everyone.
Some have more delicate relationships with family, friends, and coworkers, or there could be another reason why you don't want to break out something that direct.
With the following responses, I hope that you can find something that works for you:
--
Workplace (from coworkers)
- Scenario: Coworkers want to go to Happy Hour with you
Indirect Responses
Still Open To Going Out:
- I'm actually not drinking for a month, but I'd be happy to join you and drink soda/water
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, but I'd be happy to join you and drink soda/water
Declining Invitation To Go Out:
- I'm actually not drinking for a month, but let's plan to meet up another time
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, but let's plan to meet up another time
Direct Responses
Still Open To Going Out:
- I'm actually trying out the whole not drinking thing, but I can join you all and have soda/water
Declining Invitation To Go Out:
- I'm actually trying out the whole not drinking thing, so I'll have to pass this time
Workplace (from boss)
When it's a boss, this is a tangled issue.
If it's just you and the boss, that can be a bad situation. Especially if it's a female employee and a male boss.
There's also a fine line between above the board, and inappropriate conduct.
So, I'm providing the same responses for the boss that I would for coworkers, because I'm assuming in most cases, it's a company happy hour, and not potentially just the two of you.
Indirect Responses
Still Open To Going Out:
- I'm actually not drinking for a month, but I'd be happy to join you and drink soda/water
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, but I'd be happy to join you and drink soda/water
Declining Invitation To Go Out:
- I'm actually not drinking for a month, but let's plan to meet up another time
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, but let's plan to meet up another time
Direct Responses
Still Open To Going Out:
- I'm actually trying out the whole not drinking thing, but I can join you all and have soda/water
Declining Invitation To Go Out:
- I'm actually trying out the whole not drinking thing, so I'll have to pass this time
Dinner (from waitstaff - more uncommon)
Declining Alcohol Options
- I'm actually not drinking tonight, but thank you
- No alcohol for me, thanks
Declining Alcohol Options From A Waiter You Know
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, but thank you
Dinner (from those you're dining with)
Indirect
- I have to drive, so I'll pass tonight
- I'm actually the designated driver, so I'll pass tonight
- No alcohol for me tonight, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, so no alcohol for me tonight
Direct
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking for the foreseeable, so I'm going to pass
Family
Indirect
- I have to drive, so I'll pass tonight
- No alcohol for me tonight, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, so no alcohol for me tonight
Direct
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking for the forseeable, so I'm going to pass
Friends
Indirect
- I have to drive, so I'll pass tonight
- No alcohol for me tonight, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually doing Dry January/June/July/Sober October, so no alcohol for me tonight
Direct
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking, so I'm going to pass, but feel free to drink if you want to
- I'm actually trying to stick to not drinking for the forseeable, so I'm going to pass
Spouse/Partner
Direct (That's the only thing that's going to work here)
- Hey ____, I know we've drank in our relationship, but I'm actually hoping to try out not drinking for a while and see what happens
- I know we've had good moments with alcohol, but I'm working with someone to stop drinking. I'm not expecting you to change your whole life, but I wanted to let you know that I just won't be joining in when we go out
Bar (When someone orders or offers to order a drink for you)
Indirect
- That's very generous, but I have to drive tonight, so nothing for me
- That's very generous, but I'm the designated driver, so nothing for me
Direct
- (No direct examples here, because being in a bar but not being a drinker can be confusing to people, so it might be best to stick with the indirect, unless you want to freestyle)
Meeting Someone New (We should get a drink)
Direct (This might be the best fit if you're just meeting someone)
- We should definitely get together, but just so you know, I'll only be drinking water/soda, because there's a new habit I want to keep
- We should definitely get a drink, but just so you know, I'll only be drinking water/soda, because there's a new habit I want to keep
If Someone Is Really Pushy
Direct (You have to be)
- I'm sorry, but drinking isn't something I'll be doing
- No, really, drinking isn't something I want to be doing
- No, really, drinking isn't something I want to be doing, but thank you
How You Can Reverse Engineer Your Own Responses
- Take into account:
- Your relationship strength (are they close to you, or are they a stranger, or something in between)
- The closer you are, the more comfortable you might be with being direct
- Courtesies (Even if they're not necessary)
- Sometimes a little "please" and "thank you" can soften the blow of rejection on someone else's end, even if it's simply you asserting your reasonable boundaries
- It's up to you whether you want to say "I'm sorry" when you reject someone pushing alcohol on you, but a little gentleness might help with some relationships you want to maintain
- Power Dynamics
- If you're talking to a superior, you want to be sure there's no inappropriate conduct on their part, but taking that into consideration, a little "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry," might get you further
- Ultimately:
- Try to rehearse the approaches you choose before you're in those situations, so you're not a deer in front of a Miller Lite 18-wheeler
--
Important Point
An important thing to acknowledge: if someone won't/doesn't want to accept that you're not drinking anymore, you may want to give some thought as to whether you want, or need them in your life.
It's a sign that someone doesn't respect the boundary you're clearly stating and protecting, and it's at least worth some thought as to whether you should, or can get out from their orbit.
--
6) Sigil Magic To Stop Drinking And Improve Your Health
If you don't know the first thing about Sigil Magic, you can read my simplified guide to it here.
But, if you're familiar, I'll leave you with some health and sobriety-related sigil ideas here:
https://twodreams.us/blog/118-sigil-intentions-to-improve-your-life
- 1) I completely and permanently have perfect success in managing my weight
(CMPLTNDRHVFSGW)
- 2) I am completely and permanently happy about eating moderately
(CMPLTNDRHBG)
- 3) I completely and permanently have a body composition I'm at peace with
(CMPLTNDRHVBSW)
- 4) I am completely and permanently free from any and all eating disorders
(CMPLTNDRFGS)
- 5) I am completely and permanently free from any and all addiction
(CMPLTNDRF)
- 6) I am completely and permanently at peace with sobriety
(CMPLTNDRWHSB)
- 7) I am completely and permanently successful with sobriety
(CMPLTNDRSFWHB)
- 8) I always know how to exercise properly
(LWSKNHXRCP)
- 9) I always know how to have a successful exercise routine
(LWSKNHTVCFXR)
- 10) I completely and permanently have great relationships with my doctors
(CMPLTNDRHVGSW)
- 11) I completely and permanently have perfect mental health
(CMPLTNDRHVF)
- 12) I completely and permanently have perfect physical health
(CMPLTNDRHVFS)
- 13) I completely and permanently find solutions to health problems
(CMPLTNDRFSHB)
- 14) I completely and permanently have the skills I need to manage my mental health
(CMPLTNDRHVSKG)
- 15) I completely and permanently have the tools I need to manage my mental health
(CMPLTNDRHVSG)
- 16) I always know how to change my mood for the better
(LWSKNHTCGMDFRB)
- 17)I completely and permanently know how to improve my mood
(CMPLTNDRKNWHV)
- 18) I am completely and permanently free from depression
(CMPLTNDRFS)
- 19) I am completely and permanently free from anxiety
(CMPLTNDRFX)
- 20) I completely and permanently eat healthy
(CMPLTNDRH)
- 21) I am completely and permanently free from major injuries
(CMPLTNDRFJS)
- 22) I always do what I need to do to maintain my health
(LWSDHTNM)
- 23) I completely and permanently have no desire to drink alcohol
(CMPLTNDRHVSK)
- 24) I am completely and permanently free from alcohol-related peer pressure
(CMPLTNDRFHS)
--
7) Sobriety Inspiration, And Additional Materials
Yes, ideally you'd like to completely abstain from alcohol, but it can be a process. If you have one day where you go back to your old ways and have a drink, it's helpful to remember that you're not starting over, you were sober for 500 of the last 501 days, or sober for 14 of the last 15 days.
The more consistent you are, the more habitual not-drinking becomes, the easier it will be to continue. You're creating forward motion and inertia, making things automatic to get yourself in a groove that takes you where you want to go.
This idea is described by someone else here
--
Additionally, there's a lot of support on the internet for people sobering up, that doesn't include the traditional AA meeting.
For one, the Stop Drinking Reddit board is a place full of very encouraging people.
Below, I've included a number of Reddit posts, organized by type, including sobriety success stories, that I hope will offer you additional motivation to keep going:
--
"What is your sober addiction?"
--
"I DID IT!!! I STAYED SOBER ON CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!
--
"Out of jail, Reddit helped lower my sentence.
Just spent 6 weeks in jail. Now I'm in community corrections (half way house) for a18 month sentence. I lucked out. I could have been ordered to prison. I want to say thanks to everyone on SD and all who supported me in early December. I was going through one of the worst periods of my life in 2017 and I can honestly say Reddit helped turn my life back around. Hell, my lawyer even used the fact that I get daily support from Reddit while he was explaining all the steps I've taken to stop drinking. My lawyer, and the judge were impressed. They both agreed that SD is a useful tool and admitted they've never seen anyone use Reddit in court in the list of accomplishments towards being sober. Now I'll be able to spend free days with my kids and go back to work while serving the remainder of my sentence. Thank you everyone again, I love you guys. Have a great day, stay strong and please don't ever drink and drive.
WOW. Thank you to everyone for all the love, support and encouragement I received today! Thanks everyone for the gold also! The amount of great advise was the real gold! And I've only been able to read a fraction of the messages so far. I couldn't of imagined this post would be viewed so many times. I was merely posting to give an update to SD and the amazing, supportive people that asked to let them know how things went at court. December 13th, the night before I went to court for sentencing I was having a border line nervous break down. So I asked SD for some encouragement and described in detail the chain of events that was the living hell I went through in 2017. The response I got from that helped me get my nerves together. And honestly is the reason I even told my lawyer about how much Reddit has helped me. To all the lurkers out there I want to encourage you to post your problems and ask for help. I'm somewhat new to Reddit and was a lurker myself. I was really considering drinking December 13th and SD kept me from doing that because I did post. So from myself and my family, thank you everyone! IWNDWYT143"
--
This morning when I woke I saw a packed suitcase. This time it didn't mean she was leaving me or that I'm off to rehab. This time it means my wife and I are going on vacation and she's excited enough to pack days ahead of time. Damn it feels good to wake up sober."
--
"My husband stocked the pantry full of premium liquor. I immediately drank all the vodka as if the last year never happened, felt intense shame and regret, and balled like a baby. Then I woke up and realized it was all a dream and I am officially nine months sober. 🎉
In addition to quitting alcohol, I also quit weed a month ago. I’m finally starting to dream again. They are intense and vivid. I have never been so grateful to wake up. I’ve never been so grateful to be sober. A dream relapse was enough to make me realize I never want to experience the real thing. If it does happen, I will get back on that wagon so dang fast but I am determined to keep this sobriety journey on track. Addiction is a hell of a thing. I didn’t realize how much it affected every aspect of my life (awake and nocturnal) until now. 9 months sober. I’m proud of myself. Even my dream self knows sobriety is the answer. I don’t know what will happen when I fall asleep but while I am awake, IWNDWYT! 😴 😊"
--
"6000 comments and 70000 upvotes last night supporting me to stay sober from NYE. I can proudly say I did and now I'm on day 16 with a whole new year in front of me.
An outpouring of support from toast me gave me the fuel to stay home and not drink last night. Now I'm starting off the new year sober and not hungover. Day 16 here we go"
--
Yes, the decimal is in the right place. You see, I had near fatal addiction to alcohol. A non-abuser would be dead with a number that high, but my drinking career spanned decades. I'm sure that percentage was the norm for me.
Reading over my prior posts here - the numerous day ones, the hospital stays, the cries for help, the encouragement received - brings me joy and resolve to continue. I laughed, and cried...mostly cried to see where I've come from.
But guess what?! Today my BAC is 0.0% because I've not had one single, solitary drop of that gorgeously disguised poison in three hundred sixty-five days.
And for that, I'm grateful."
--
"Wife and I are officially headed for a divorce
I’m a 33m, and my wife had an affair earlier this year. We’ve been trying to “work on it” throughout the year, but it’s clear things have been off since it all happened. I asked my wife yesterday the last time she had talked to this guy, and she couldn’t answer me. It’s clear she’s still talking to him. She finally said “it shouldn’t matter when I talked to him, I don’t think I want to be with you”
I immediately left and went to a friends house. On the drive, I told myself screw it, I’ll get drunk tonight. I had a coffee instead, and just talked about my problems. I’m 99 days sober and am being tested more now than ever before, and could use all the positive energy to try and get through this.
EDIT: Just wanted to send a huge shout out to everyone on this sub that has commented. I don’t care if we’re all strangers, the positive energy and the kind words absolutely mean the world to me. I’ve read every single one of them, as I sit on the couch and drink my iced coffee again! You all rock. You all give me hope and confidence that there’s light somewhere at the end of all this."
--
"I did it! Today, I officially tie Bill Wilson, co-founder of A.A. in total days of sobriety: 13,193 or 36.15 years. I have to say I’m pretty proud of myself. HAD to share THIS birthday!"
--
Can’t even believe I’m writing this. I had so many day ones. I lurked here, I joined here, I left here.
At the end, I was drinking between 12-20 beers a day. As a 39 year old female, I had alcoholic hepatitis, jacked up lipid levels, I was pre-diabetic, over weight and fucking dying. Doctor said I’d be dead within 5 years.
One year ago, as usual, I was so fucking hungover that I couldn’t stand it. I knew the only thing that would make me feel better was to keep drinking. Poured a big beer and went to drink it and was like I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE! I put the drink down and drove myself to the ER. Got detoxed and when I got out, I immediately joined AA, started therapy and started listening to what other people said to do. I stopped trying to do things my way, and started being more open and willing to do what other people said to do. Turns out I don’t know everything. That alone saved my life.
I have not lost the silly and fun person I have always been. If anything, I’m sharper and funnier. I lost 30 lbs in a year without even trying. My anxiety has calmed so significantly that I was able to kick a lifelong nail biting habit, my liver is healed and all my previous health problems are gone. I handle stress and difficult situations 1000% better.
It has not all been roses, rainbows and unicorns. Early sobriety is really fucking hard. But man do I look back on my early recovery fondly, because that freaked out, scared, uncomfortable and confused kid got me here.
There’s no end to this recovery for me. I will have to work at this everyday for the rest of my life. For me, there’s no graduation from alcoholism and I have to treat it everyday and I do lots of things to maintain that.
But amongst other nightmares, a full year without a hangover, or holding my husbands gun to my head, puking in the shower, crying about some bullshit, doing cocaine or driving drunk is a fucking WIN WIN for me. And I’ll cheers you a Cherry Polar to that!
IWNDWYT
Before and after - https://imgur.com/a/pSwkR5V"
--
"Hi. I wanted to share with someone I’m waking up sober for the second morning in a row. It’s been months since I had one sober day. I’m trying over here.
Holy cow everyone!! I am just getting to read your messages. I’m in awe. All day I thought I’m not going to read them so I won’t feel so guilty if I drink tonight. Well I’ve read them and I’m still sober. Wouldn’t be that way without your support. I have been drinking 6- 12 beers a day for over a year now. I watched my dad decline over the past year with cancer. He passed in august. He was my best friend. Thank you! Iwndwyt!"
--
"After drinking for 30 years, heavy drinking for 10, and predominantly blacked out drinking for 5, I can finally share some good news: 7 DAYS of being free and sober!!! :))
Typically I drink every day, and over the last 5 years I'd say that most of those nights I get blacked out drunk. There was a multi-year stretch where almost every night I was drinking at least 17 shots... I say at least because it's hard to keep track.
Many PIs, waking up in detox cells, waking up at strangers' homes, waking up outside, losing a 6 year relationship, getting kicked out of bars that were once friendly to me.... and you get the idea, haha!
Lurking here and reading so many positive stories of you guys turning it around, I thought that it would be impossible for me. And I still haven't accomplished anything. But I don't remember the last time I didn't drink for a week, so I thought I'd share my own good news.
Happy holidays everyone and of course.... I will not be drinking with you today!!! :)
Edit: Thanks for the support everyone. Getting support from you guys who know what it's like.... means everything to me."
--
"Not huge but I’m 4 months sober from booze, weed, and caffeine.
I am not trying to brag but I am proud of myself waking up today at 4 months sober. I originally planned to take a 30 day break, then 30 turned to 3 months and now I don’t think I’ll be able to do the stuff again. I don’t want to say I’m a sober person and ruin this but I’m happy with my current sobriety"
--
"I got stopped by the police last night.
I left a bar late last night after having been there since lunchtime for the wake of a close family member. I got in the car and started driving home. A few minutes later the lights from a police car flashed behind me. I pulled over and wound my window down as the police officer approached my car. He introduced himself and asked for my licence as his partner circled my car. I knew what he was going to ask next and I was feeling a bit nervous. The officer said "Have you had any alcohol tonight sir?" I smiled and replied "No". He breath tested me, said "Have a good night", and drove away. It felt good after a hard day and almost 4 months of hard work. Wishing you all well wherever you are on your journey."
--
"Today is my Birthday. I am 51 years old. I've been drinking since I was 14. I am 94 days sober.
I once quit for a year in my 20's, but this is the longest in quite a while. I am so proud of myself. I've also had no desire to drink this time. I have no idea what changed, but I'm so thankful it's been easy lately, because I know it won't always be. I never want to drink again."
--
"Ordered Irish Coffee, thinking it was just ‘coffee’
Went out with my wife and a friend today. I didn’t want a mocktail, so I decided to order some coffee. Irish coffee was listed in the coffee section of the menu (not in the alcoholic drinks section of the menu), so I decided to try it out.
First sip and I’m like: whoa, there is no way this is just coffee. I can taste the alcohol in it. I do some googling and find out that there’s whiskey in it. At this point I’m like 8 weeks AF without any real cravings, so I figure I can handle the drink. I finish it over the course of the dinner. I don’t get high or tipsy or buzzed or anything.
However, the real effect happens when I get home. I start to crave alcohol for the first time since I stopped. Unfortunately, I have a bottle of white wine in the house (for my mother who is visiting) and a couple of bottles of expensive whiskeys ( they are supposed to be gifts for my wife’s business partners, but she has not yet gotten around to giving it to them). I struggle with the cravings for a few hours. My wife goes to bed, I’m alone playing a video game.
I decide to start with the wine. I put it in the fridge to chill a bit. I struggle with the cravings. It takes an hour for the wine to chill. In that hour I imagine having to explain to my wife that I’m back at day 0. I decide it’s not worth it, and decide to have a bottle of coke instead. I take the wine out of the fridge and put it back in the store. Many hours later, I am happy I did not drink it.
IWNDWYT"
--
Before and after. 50 pounds lighter, both physically and emotionally.
Sobriety, for me, has not always been the glowing road to a healthy paradise that I envisioned. It has been painful, lonely, intimidating, awkward, and just plain hard.. yet entirely powerful and transformative all the same. I had to re-learn how to have fun, how to socialize with others. I had to face the many problems I'd been ignoring out of fear, all without my only crutch.
At first, I felt there was no more sigh of relief at the end of the day, no tall cold reward for a hard day's work. Nothing felt good to me anymore.
However, along the way—something changed for me. I'll never forget when I listened to music and it started to feel good again, when my brain seemed to release the hormones responsible for happiness on its own, after I had been wringing it taut for every drop, bleeding it dry for so long.
With every minute, day, and month, I was healing.
Today, I have my truest self. I have my friends, who stood by me through every floundering awkward moment and cancelled plan as I found my footing again.
I have my health. My skin and eyes are clearer, my body is stronger. I am no longer ashamed of the vessel I walk around in, eager to find a way to escape it, if only momentarily.
I have my little house, now taken care of, where simply walking through the doors gives me the sense of ease I chased for so long. My pets greet me, tails clapping the walls and each other, wet noses on my face, eager to spend an evening cuddling and not alone; and I am truly at home.
I have a life I am proud of. I have earned the respect of my family, of my friends, and--critically--of my inner self.
Two years later, I don’t know that I’ve made it—it’s still one day at a time. But I’m definitely--finally--going the right way.
IWNDWYT"
--
"Attended my first AA meeting yesterday morning - and had something really amazing happen at night.
Yesterday was my first ever AA meeting at 7:30am. I tried and failed a dry January. I've spent the past 5 years drinking in excess nearly every night. The relationship with my wife has been stretched to its absolute limit, with rock bottom being me finding out she is back on her birth control as she is scared to attempt to have our first child since I cannot get sober, as was the plan in 2022.
I was greeted with a lot of warmth and applause at AA as I told my brief story and introduction and said it was my first ever meeting. I was given the book and a welcome packet, and a 24hour pendant/coin.
The following evening, after work, my wife and I decided to go out and get some dinner. We ended up just going to a crummy little diner down the street. We are not normally diner people. Normally, I cook and down 2 bottles of wine, or we go to a nice restaurant in town and I spend $70 on double gin and tonics.
We decided to go to the diner just to talk about AA and change of pace.
Our waitress was this large sassy old lady, who just kinda seemed like she was "over-it". She took our order with a kind of a no-nonsense attitude as if we were kind of an annoyance, or more likely, she just was trying to get done her shift. After our order, I showed my wife my 24hr pendant, the book, welcome packet and talked about how the first meeting went.
After some time when the waitress came back with our drinks (coffee/soda), she saw the pendant on the table, and her face lit up. She gasped with surprise and snatched it up, rather startlingly, and when she saw it was for 24 hours, without skipping a beat (and covid be damned i guess) she gave me a big hug, told me she was proud of me, and said she was 6 and a half years sober. It made me tear up a little bit. It feels like being a part of a secret society. Anyway, it was very nice and felt like it was meant to be. I attended my second meeting this morning. Everyone was glad to see me again. I have 48 hours sober.
Just wanted to share. Thanks :,)"
--
"Saw my doctor for the first time since I got sober
I have voluntarily told every doctor I’ve had since about 2008 about the amount I drink. That is a total of 4 doctors. Each of the first 3 had exactly 1 response: “why don’t you try AA?” No offer to help me; “go to AA”, my job is done. (One also commented on how many calories I was drinking, like that was my main motivator...) My current doctor spent part of her training in a rehab facility. She started asking questions no one else ever did, prescribed 2 drugs (one for anxiety, the other naltrexone) to help me taper off, and asked me about any progress I had made every time I saw her, even if I was there for a cold. Today was my first appointment with her since I quit altogether. As you may expect, she was very happy for me, still asked a lot of questions about how I was coping, and was generally still there for me and my addiction. Needless to say, I feel really good today!
BTW, I told her about r/stopdrinking and how much everyone here has helped me. She had never heard of it and took notes to help others like me in the future."
--
"7 months ago I quit drinking and started working out
Here are the results of 7 months of consistency
Edit: how the heck did this get 3000 updoots. Y'all are truly the best, most supportive, loving community on reddit and I love you guys.
https://imgur.com/a/PeLfNda"
--
"I did it. I actually f**king did it. 1 year without a single drop of alcohol.
I'll try and keep this short and sweet. If you would've told me a year ago that I would lose 60 lbs, start exercising regularly, take up new hobbies, and genuinely love myself; I would not have believed you.
I read a book that changed the way I look at alcohol, before I finished the book I lost the desire to drink. I feel and look like a completely different person, that hasn't gone unnoticed my friends, family, and co-workers.
I owe much of my success to you fine folks in this sub. AA wasn't for me, I tried for 3 months but I wasn't getting what everyone else seemed to obtain from the meetings. But I enjoy the comradery of this group, all of the stories and experiences shared on this sub are very helpful to keep me in that healthy mindset. Don't ever feel too ashamed to tell a story on here, you never know who you're helping off a ledge.
I love you guys, and I will not drink with you today. Or ever."
--
"I was a closet drinker and did not admit to anyone that I had a problem. That means when I quit, I didn’t have any support or anyone to acknowledge that I was/am doing a good job. Today is day 189 sober and I could really use a little kudos or encouragement.
Unfortunately, the only person that knows what I’m actually doing and why is my SO, who has absolutely no inkling what I am going through or how challenging it is, so he hasn’t been a very good source of encouragement or praise. Literally no one else around me knows a thing, so they’re all still boozing up and talking to me about it like it’s just a normal Tuesday. I mean, most days that’s fine - I’ve been doing really good and I’m super proud of myself no matter how anyone feels or what they may or may not know/think. I’d rather them not be all up in my business, but with only having one very oblivious person as a support system, I sometimes have tough days. Today is a tough day. It’s not even that I want to drink; its just that I wish someone - anyone - would tell me how proud they are of me."
--
"Today, I celebrate 36 years of sobriety. In 45 days time, I will have more sobriety than Bill W., co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous did when he died. Life is pretty good and I can’t wait to have that birthday too!
**Thank you for the silver and gold kind strangers, I am so very grateful! **"
--
"Today I am 22-fucking-days sober! And today I refused an offer ( booze and cocaine, booze and cocaine, booze and cocaine ) from one of my best friend, and I said: "Nope nope, brother. I am 22-fucking-days sober. I am staying fucking home."
So... I stayed fucking home... and... that is pretty much all... end of story 😄
Take care, folks! 😎
EDIT: Most fucking amazing subreddit with most fucking beautiful people in whole fucking universe. Yeah! You folks! Thx for all your responses, much appreciate it 😉 This really cheering me up and giving me a fucking strength to keep on rolling in my sobriety. Love You All! I truly do 😎"
--
"I spent 5 years on this sub resetting my badge every month. Today I celebrate 8 months of continuous sobriety.
Sobriety is a magical gift. I live within the day. I have a sponsor and attend AA meetings everyday. One day at a time everyone. I will not be drinking with you all today.
Edit: Holy shit people! Thank you!! I really hope this helps you all and know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I lived in this cycle for 8 years. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I PROMISE you sobriety is worth it. Through the good and the bad you’ll never regret being sober. Love to you all. Stay strong. Never give up. xo"
--
"Six Months Sober, side effects include general life improvement
TL;DR: 32 year old male gave up alcohol for a week, had a conversation with an old drinking buddy who'd quit for a year, accepted the challenge, and now that I'm halfway there, I think I'll just keep it going. I've improved my marriage, become a better dad, gotten healthy, improved my sex life, and as a bonus, lowered my life insurance rates.
Before & After
I've known I've had a problem since, oh, 2012 or so when the moment I would get done with class, I'd be stopping by the local convenience store for a couple of tallboys, or if there was enough time between afternoon classes, grabbing a pint at one of the local spots right next to campus. I went to school at a major Northwest United States college, so drinking culture and microbrews especially are celebrated there. I could rationalize this as just being part of going to college though, and pushed it to the back of my mind, even as my grades suffered.
After college, it spiraled, brought on by a move to the Midwest, where I knew nobody. Isolation brought depression and more drinking, and I kept that going even after I moved back. For several years I was hiding how much I drank, drinking by myself, etc. Even after my daughter was born, I still couldn't quit. I was a decent dad, but definitely a "bare minimum" contributor; I'd cook dinner and get everyone down to sleep, and then would stay up late drinking and watching Netflix or whatever until I was drunk enough to pass out.
I have no dramatic rock bottom story, but after years of getting more and more out of shape, dealing with memory issues, and with my wife being less and less attracted to me, I realized one night this past summer, at the age of 31, after my third or fourth beer (which had followed a fifth of vodka) that this just wasn't fun anymore. It hadn't been fun for a long time, but I felt that moment of clarity that people always talk about. We were getting ready to go to my family's farmhouse about five hours south for the 4th of July celebration, and in between swigs I was trying on t-shirts and short sleeve button-ups to wear for the hot summer weather, and I wasn't happy with how anything fit. I looked in the mirror and saw, truly SAW the bloated, red-faced, sweaty, vacant mess of a person that I'd become, as you can see in the January 2020 picture linked above. So I polished off that last beer, passed out on the futon (because my wife didn't like me sleeping in the bed due to my snoring), and had the vague resolution that I was going to change something.
The next day at my folk's place I had one beer at dinner time, but didn't keep going like I normally would have. That night, my wife remarked on it and after I mentioned how I was tired of drinking, and just tired in general, she told me something that I'll never forget: "You don't have any spark. You look like you're just wasting away."
The last night of that trip was the first night that I had completely abstained since I don't know, maybe when we were at the hospital for the birth of my daughter? We got home and my wife went in to the clinic to get some work done, and there I was again, at home with a cranky toddler, which was a trigger to drink for me. I knew I still had a half a fifth hidden, but would need more booze if I was going to continue. I had my keys in my hand, ready to make a run and get some more, but it was my kid that stopped me. She just said, "I kinda hungwy." And I stopped to rationalize it for a moment, thinking we could grab something from the drive-through on a beer run. I was ready to go, but I stopped and made her a quesadilla and some veggies right then, when she needed it. I got her to bed, then poured out that half a fifth and put the beers that were in the fridge back into the garage where we stored everything else.
After about a week of white-knuckling it I texted a friend who had been a longtime drinking buddy, but also one of my best friends and one of my groomsmen. I told him that I'd been sober for a week, which was the longest I'd gone since I turned 21. He told me that he was coming up on a year himself, and that he'd love to chat about it sometime. We talked for a good long while. We both played football and ran track in high school, did airsoft together, and were just generally competitive, so I made up my mind that if he could do it, I could do it too.
Fast-forward to now, and I'm halfway there to the goal I set out for, and honestly, I don't think I'm going to go back. I've lost 61.5 pounds as of this morning, gotten my ass back in the gym, am a much more present husband, father and teacher, and have just generally turned a 180. My wife sees the difference in my energy level, confidence and attitude, and we're having sex way more frequently; I'm allowed back in the bed now that my snoring has completely gone away! My blood pressure went from hypertensive down to normal levels, with my resting heart rate going from over 90 BPM to under 60 BPM. Blood tests for metabolic function came back within healthy limits, and that's after 10 years of heavy drinking, five of which were in excess of a fifth per day. As a result, my life insurance rates have gone down, since I had elevated liver enzyme levels when I got my policy back in 2019.
Sobriety has not been easy, but the worst of my sober days are so much easier to handle now, and are better than the best of my drinking days.
I think if I could give people one takeaway that I wish I would have known in the depths of my alcohol and depression is this: "If you're feeling trapped, like this is just the way you are, or that this is the way your body is now, that doesn't have to be true.""
--
"365 Days. Holy crap you guys, I DID IT!
I was an additict for 12 years. From 16 to 28 I was always high, drunk, or a combination of both. Today marks one full year alcohol, cigarette, and drug free!
I left it all behind, cold turkey, on September 13, 2019... and despite all the challenges the year has thrown at me I am still sober and THRIVING.
Here's a picture of me to show just how much has really changed in that year.
I've learned how to take care of my body and I've realized that I deserve to love myself and take care of myself. I deserve to be sober and healthy, but most importantly I deserve to be happy!
Thank you r/stopdrinking for being such a phenomenal support system.
IWNDWYT. <3
Edit: Edit: Holy cow you guys... between this post and my submission to r/LoseIt I am floored by all the messages I've received! There's about 200+ I need to go through but I'll get started and make sure everyone gets upvotes! Thanks for the support!"
--
"I passed 7 years sober, and I didn't even notice
I went from a severely depressed, morbidly obese hermit to a healthy/happy productive member of society. I didn't even notice my sobriety anniversary had passed, because I was busy having fun on a road trip. Life is good here.
https://imgur.com/a/ZlIE2vM"
--
"Gas station guy finally asked
So, one of the men that run the gas station we get everything from in a jiffy asked me today “no beer?” I’ve been in several times since but today he asked. Maybe because I was the only customer. Class act.
I said no, I quit. He then said “did your brain tell you to quit or did the doctor tell you to quit? “. I said I guess my brain. He then said how happy he was to hear and wished me well.
Holy shit, the gas station guy thought I was that bad off that a doctor would tell me to quit. I’m not surprised, just surprised he cared.
I will not drink with you today."
--
"Today shouldn't have happened, and it's all this subs fault.
Today is a day that shouldn't have happened. A day I had been dreading and one I KNEW I had a slim chance of making it through. I am a professional brewer. Today we had a collaboration with another brewery. Now, for those who don't know...it's essentially where other brewers come, bring their best beers, and while we brew a beer together...everyone is drinking...all...day...long. I had a million thoughts this morning...everything from the ol' standby "ONE won't hurt" (cue me on my seventh wondering if I should drive home or not)...to "fuck, I'm going to seem so weird and out of place and everyone is going to make me feel weird about not drinking...so I'm just going to have to give in and do it."
You fucking know what? I didn't have a sip of alcohol. Not a drop. I shouldn't be sitting here, sober, typing this out right now. I thought this was impossible. I had an iced coffee, socialized like a normal human being, made new friends, and no one gave a shit about me not drinking. And I'm going to actually wake up tomorrow and feel good and get a good workout in and be productive, instead of buying more beer on the way home after drinking all day long.
I almost cried on my way home, I was so proud of myself. And it is all because of this sub and this community. Y'all are fucking rockstars and influence more people than you know by your honesty and openness and vulnerability. Thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart. IWNDWYT <3
edit....Y'all's responses...🥲❤️. Thank all of you so much. This post is for all of us. This isn't all my effort...it is OUR EFFORT...everyone who posts daily, who shares their thoughts and their stories, their good days and their shittiest days. We all power each other and we all help each other be stronger. We're all here and stronger together 💪🏻❤️"
--
"My last 🍸 was August 16 2018. That’s 2 years today... I made promises to myself and my loved ones that day, I was serious.... although I don’t have many folks around to share this with... I am very proud of this moment and understand that this journey continues.
God bless"
--
Sad Reddit Posts
--
"My Beloved Wife (long post - but I need to get this out)
I'm an alcoholic and so was my wife. We are/were both 51 years old. I quit drinking Feb. 1st 2020. As an alcoholic couple, we had been drinking two handles of vodka between us about every 5 days. We drank that way for the better part of a decade. I was able to maintain my job and be a "functional" alcoholic.
My wife lost her job of 16 years, basically for drinking, although I think her boss gave some other excuse for her termination. At that point, with nowhere to go during the day she started drinking earlier in the day. I didn't pay much attention because I was still drinking, and my drinking was more important than what was going on with my wife.
She managed to land a couple of other jobs, but she was not able to keep them for very long. After she lost the last job, she quit looking. She sat on the same spot on our couch pretty much all day watching TV. She digested so much news content during the day that her vitriol for Trump was feral and frightening to behold.
The years rolled by and her drinking began earlier and earlier in the day. By 2019, she was usually having her first drink while I was getting ready for work in the morning. I continued to ignore it, because my drinking was still steering the ship.
After a trip in early 2020 with friends that I don't see very often, I returned home to realize that my memories of that trip were a blur, because I was shit faced most of the time. I was also tired of feeling like shit every morning. I decided in late January that I was going to quit drinking, and I meant it this time. I'm over 300 days AF now. I live in fear of the first drink and I'm grateful for that fear.
When I first quit, I read Annie Graces "This Naked Mind". The one thing that still resonates from that book is that ethanol alcohol is a poison. It seems so obvious if you ever had a bad hangover. I was dry heaving every morning and lived with a perpetual headache, until I could get my next drink. It became my normal. I know my wife was going through the same physical symptoms as I was, except she didn't have to wait until 6:00 or 7:00 P.M. for her first drink. We always had vodka in the freezer.
After I quit drinking, I refused to purchase vodka for her. I couldn't participate in her slow motion suicide anymore. Her liver was beginning to fail in the spring of this year. She was bloated and having a more difficult time getting around because she was painful. I did tell her that she needed to quit and that she needed to see a doctor. But, as an alcoholic, I know that's about the worst thing you can say to someone who is not ready to quit drinking.
I'm proud to say that she finally did quit drinking in September, but by that time the damage had been done.
The week before Thanksgiving this year, she had two bowel movements that were a lot of dark red blood. That finally convinced her that she should see a doctor. By that time, her abdomen looked like she had swallowed a basketball. Her legs and feet were so swollen that she could not walk without assistance. She was emaciated and anemic. She had bloodwork done and was admitted to the hospital that night and diagnosed with cirrhosis. They drained 9 liters of fluid off her abdomen. She spent a few days in the hospital for observation and was released on Friday 11/20/2020. Her 51st birthday.
After she got home, I could tell she was feeling better. Her mobility was much better and her old personality had returned. We had a great week spending time together and talking about how we were going to make positive changes in our lives.
On Saturday after Thanksgiving I was making a healthy dinner for both of us when she came into the kitchen and said she felt dizzy. Before I could turn around, she had passed out and fell backward onto our stone tile floor. By the time I reached her, she was still passed out and had a giant bump on the back of her head. She regained consciousness and I was able to get her onto our couch. Within in about 5 minutes she went into a seizure and I called 911.
She suffered severe brain trauma with blood on both sides of her brain. Her blood was unable to coagulate because of her liver failure. She survived in a mental fog in the ICU and TCU for about a week while her abdomen continued to swell everyday. They pulled another 6 litres of fluid out of her abdomen and it was swollen again within a couple of days.
On Wednesday, the internal bleeding started again. This time the bleed was significant enough that it dropped her blood pressure to dangerous levels. The medical team was prepared to do more procedures to try and stabilize her again, but it would only last for a short period of time. We opted for palliative care.
My Beloved Wife of 23 years died last night. I was with her and she died peacefully. For much too long, my drinking was more important to me than the well being of my wife. I will carry that with me for the rest of my days.
I've seen many posts on this forum complaining about how advertisers and popular culture glamorize drinking. If the world was fair, there would be equal coverage with graphic depictions of what late stage liver failure looks like.
If you made it this far thanks for reading. I needed to get that off my chest.
IWNDWY'allT!"
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"My 16yo son died last night, day 1.
I don't know up from down today. My 16 year old son was in a car accident and died instantly last night. He was my 3rd out of 4 children and just a complete ray of sunshine. I have lost my Mom and both grandparents in the past 6 years, so I know grief. But this is just gut wrenching.
He hated alcohol and said that he would never take a sip. I was so proud of that decision. My only regret is not quitting for him before it was too late. But as hard as this is I want this to be my day 1 to honor him. I know it will be a rough road. I plan to spend more time on here reading and responding.
I got to stroke his hair and tell him goodbye for now a few hours ago. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.
RIP C, love you to the moon and back. -Mom. IWNDWYT"
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Reddit Posts On Perspective
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"Remember: if we lose twenty pounds on a diet, we don’t gain it all back after a few bad meals. Your badge reset doesn’t mean your sober days didn’t happen. Give yourself credit and get back on that wagon!"
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“The goal isn’t just to be sober, the goal is to build a life you don’t need to escape from.”
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"It's way easier to have zero drinks than it is to just have one. That's all."
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Motivational Reddit Posts
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"In honor of my wife who passed away
Hi Guys,
My wife (35 years old) died of brain anerusym out of nowhere. I saw her take her last few breaths in bed at 4AM. It was not a pretty site. We have a 8 month old daughter and 3 year old son. Wife always tried to make me stop drinking, but never worked. Well, it has been a month now since she left us and I told myself this was it for me. In honor of her I will not drink ever again. I have kept the promise since she left us a month ago
Edit: wow, did not expect this much support.. thank you all for your support. I have been on this sub since 2018 (hence the username)trying to quit, but i always relapsed. Now i have this thread thanks to each one of you to come back and read anytime i need the extra motivation to stay sober. Thank you truly.
Edit 06/30 - I am 2 months sober. :)"
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"Six years ago I was a Homeless Drunk -> I just finished Law School this week and I’m five years sober.
https://imgur.com/a/LJtDCl1
I have been a long time lurker to this thread, never really posted. However, this week I just finished law school and a few weeks ago I celebrated my five years of sobriety. I just wanted to let you all know one thing:
For those of you who think it can’t be done - it 100% can be.
I was considered the “hopeless alcoholic” in my family, the one that no one wanted to help. I went from being a stumbling, drunk, homeless man - to a law school graduate, with a wife and a kid.
A condensed history, for those who care...
When alcohol had control of me, I was drinking up to a liter a day of McCormicks vodka. My first fiancé left me, I lost my business and both my cars crapped out on me. I couldn’t afford my rent so I had to move in with my mom...at the age of 28. I thought my life was over and I was in a bad way, so I started drinking hard. After a while, my mom didn’t put up with it and out of the house I went.
After I got kicked out, I lived at Salvation Army, got out, got an apartment, relapsed, met my wife and found out I was going to be a Dad and got sober. I realized I was going to lose everything, like I had done before, if I kept drinking. So I knew I had to stop.
April 6, 2015 was the date, and I have accomplished more than I have ever thought possible. There is way more to the story, however, I don’t think people want to hear it, but I fought like hell to get out of the hole I dug myself.
Just remember to have faith in yourselves, you are wayyyyy stronger than you realize."
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Wake Up Call Reddit Posts
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At 10:30 on Monday night, my mother called me. “Stephen’s dead,” she whispered into the phone.
In an abstract way, we knew it was coming. He relapsed last fall, hard, after a year of sobriety. He almost died over Christmas, and his behavior had increasingly spiraled out of control over the last six months. We still were not prepared.
He had a second chance, and they told him: You cannot drink again. You will not survive. But when he went to Mexico with his girlfriend, he said he just really wanted a margarita. And the choice — a sober choice — to have that drink is what killed him at forty one years old.
It was not a quick death. His heart was enlarged from chronic alcoholism, he had a fatty liver, and his gastrointestinal system was breaking down. He was found on the floor of his bathroom, in a pool of blood. He tried to soak up the blood with a bunch of towels. He crawled into the bathtub at some point, leaving blood there. There was blood in the toilet. He soiled his bed, unable to control his bowels, and bled across his bed and the carpet next to it. There were blood stains across the entire apartment—down the carpeted stairs, fat black drops across the kitchen and living room floor, smears across the corners and the walls.
The lack of oxygen to his brain (from his enlarged heart) left him addled. My normally sharp, together brother spent the last few months of his life unable to communicate with normal boundaries, deeply aggressive, defensive, and unintelligible.
A margarita killed my brother. It left him lying in a pool of blood, after decades of internal pain that led him to drink, and an indeterminate amount of time in physical agony and mental confusion.
When he was sober, it was like he was a completely different person. I feel so grateful to have had a chance to reconnect with him when we had both quit drinking. He became himself: a highly charismatic, witty, hysterically funny, thoughtful person. We went to a meeting together when I was in town. He took our oldest brother to NASCAR—the only trip they went on together as adults. He treated our nieces with humor, kindness, and respect. He worked out regularly with our little brother. He called our mom his best friend. He was blessed with so much luck. He was lightning in a bottle. And now he is gone.
While he was alive, no matter how bad things got, there was always still a sliver of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to turn it around. Maybe, just maybe, he would finally hit bottom and commit to getting sober.
Today, our oldest brother, a man who describes himself as having a “Hagrid body type,” burst into tears. He said, “All he ever wanted was to get married, have kids, and stay sober. And he just couldn’t figure out that last piece, and he never got any of it. He lived miserably, and he died miserably.”
Stephen’s apartment is littered with sentimentality and self improvement. Gifts from our family, photos, art by the several artists in our family, specific cards and wedding invitations, coasters we had in the house where we lived as kids—FAMILY was everywhere. It was everything to him. We found an unopened box set of the entire Fraggle Rock buried deep in his movie collection — unmistakably purchased for him to eventually share with my nieces.
He wasn’t a big reader, but of the literature he did have: a book called the encyclopedia of sports, gifted to him by our grandfather when he died, the AA big book and several daily recovery meditation books, a book on how to be a better husband (even though he had been divorced for years), a few books on architecture and art, and a handful on health and fitness.
Everything about his home screamed that he cared—that he cared deeply about the people in his life, and that he cared deeply about being a better person. He cared so much, and yet, he could not be vulnerable enough to share just how much he struggled. He could not set aside his pride and self loathing and shame to express how much he cared. While it is so obvious how he felt, he was incapable of translating it to action.
He held his flaws against himself more than anyone else ever did — even at our angriest. Even at our most hurt. He did not believe he was worthy of the love we gave him, that the world gave him—a man who made friends everywhere he went, who made a deep, abiding impression on every person, a man who was so lucky he won every contest he ever entered, and who was so charismatic he’d have random reporters walk up to him and ask to interview him. A man who cared.
This is not the first time I have gone through this. My father (his stepfather) died in almost exactly the same way eleven and a half years ago. The parallels — the items in their apartment, the mess of physical decay and sentimentality — are uncanny. This is a classic alcoholic death. This is textbook.
And like my father, my brother was utterly blind to how powerfully he impacted others, and how deeply his self-destruction did so much more than hurt himself. It has hurt all of us.
It hurt my mother, who has spent the week falling into fits of wailing, sobbing, screaming, “This is my son. My son, my son, my baby. I just want him back. I just want him back.” It hurt his father, who can barely speak of anything beyond of the logistics of managing the affairs. His stepmother, who bawled while saying she felt she also raised him, who thought of him as her own. Of my little brother, now also a man, who broke down sobbing and said the only reason he hadn’t moved away from this city is because he thought that as long as he didn’t go too far, he thought Stephen would be okay. His two ex wives and recent ex girlfriend, whom he treated terribly while he was drinking (which is to say: most of the time), who are all devastated by the loss, who have all said, “i just loved him so much, even when he hurt me. Even when i shouldn’t have.” His new girlfriend, who found his body. His old childhood friends. His property manager. His program friends. The people who worked at the gym he went to regularly. From the closest people, who saw him at his worst and bore the brunt of his illness, to the people on the furthest periphery of his life: he was adored. Loved beyond measure.
Everyone is shocked. Everyone is shattered.
Look. I tell you all of this because my brother is simultaneously exceptional and absolutely unremarkable, all at the same time.
This illness is life threatening. And struggle is part of our stories. Substance use disorder is extremely difficult to have, and to manage. To maintain. Even once you think you have a handle on it, your grasp can loosen with such a quickness. A second chance is lucky. A third chance is luckier. A fourth chance is a miracle. And at some point, we all run out of our chances. The luckiest person I have ever met ran out of his nine lives in a mere forty one years. If it can happen to him, it can happen to any of us.
This is not pretty. There is nothing romantic about alcoholism, or addiction. There is nothing romantic about suffering. It is ugly. It is brutal.
In AA, they say, “let us love you until you can learn to love yourself.” whether you have been sober for forty years or fourteen years or four years or four days, whether you like or utilize AA for your recovery path or another alternative, I beg you, in honor of my dead father, and now dead brother, to remember that statement. In honor of my brother, and so many other addicts who have followed this very same path, i beg of you to believe it.
Nothing is irrevocable. Except death.
Please do everything you can to not follow this same dark path. Be shameless in your pursuit of recovery. Be unflinching in your willingness to ask for help. Be fiercely dedicated to surviving, and hopefully someday thriving. And remember that even if you do not love yourself, there are other people who do—and who will—if you let them. So please, let them. Let them."
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"I nearly lost my life due to alcohol. Today I celebrate 2 years free from it.
Today's my 2 year sobriety anniversary. It comes with a bit less fanfare than the first one because the healing powers of time begin to wash away some of those struggles we've had down the road.
Here's a photo of me dying in the hospital 2 years ago and me now. . On the left I'm about 350 lbs and my liver and kidneys had failed nearly completely completely in a process known as Type 1 hepatorenal syndrome (HRS1). The life expectancy of a person with a HRS1 diagnosis is on the order of a couple weeks. By 3 months somewhere around 90% of those who have been diagnosed will have passed. The most common way to survive is a liver transplant. In the absence of a transplant, a few may survive but it's definitely unusual. I survived without a transplant.
*If this photo looks familiar, I have shared these images here previously.
The photo on the right is a fairly recent one of me where I'm down to about 190 lbs - down about 160 lbs from where I was. I lost 80% of that weight in the span of a few months while my body struggled with the HRS1 / liver cirrhosis I had been diagnosed with. To call what happened to me brutal is an understatement. It still haunts me a bit to be honest.
The transformation between those 2 photos has been difficult and life changing to say the least. But I'm winning that battle every day.
2 years ago I spent 2 weeks in hospice care after my treatment was stopped due to poor prognosis. A year and a half ago I had to teach myself how to walk again. And now I float around as spray as a slightly aging individual can be.
In the past 2 years I've developed a lot of different strategies that are working to keep me sober. At first it was a lot of good old fashioned exercise. I was in the gym 5 days a week regularly while I rebuilt the muscle that liver cirrhosis and an extremely sedentary nature had brought upon me. Then I became a lot more involved with the family. Then I started doing some extra work on the side to help my families income. I've had a couple of magazines publish my story. in my latest venture, I recently took up photography - or maybe it has taken up me. I'm not quite sure, because that hobby has become my new passion in life. I've done more in the past 2 years than the previous 20. I've rounded my life out. I've adjusted to living without alcohol.
Speaking of passion for life, mine is back. It was missing for decades while alcohol slowly robbed me of pleasure in life under the guise that being intoxicated is pleasureful. When you're an end stage alcoholic, you realize how not pleasurable it really is. And if you make that realization, you see the waste of all that time in your life. Alcohol took the best years of my life away, and it will undoubtedly put me in a grave at a relatively young age. Let's just say being a late 40s cirrhosis patient is far from being an optimal position to go through life. It is frightening.
My message today is for people to hear my story and listen. No drink is worth what I went through. I've been told by multiple doctors that I'm one of the luckiest people alive right now. Don't let it go where it did with me. Leave absolutely no stone unturned trying to get yourself out from under the influence of alcohol. Spare no expense. Since I had those magazines publish articles on me, I've now been contacted by many people and families going through what I went through. Several of them are deceased now. The impact is devastating on the families.
You won't believe the transformation that can happen when you get sober. If you are currently sober, congrats to you and stay the course. If you are struggling, please read my words and take my message to heart. You are worth saving. You can lead a normal life. People love you.
IWNDWYT."
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Visited by a salamander in my sleep that told me it has been enough.
Hey everyone, Ive been struggling for guite a while with binge drinking and especially empty stomach drinking. Last saturday I went to sleep after drinking from 3 PM and downing around 15 cocktails before 22 PM and vomiting... That night I had a vision of a salamander, that without ever speaking to me, simply let me know that I cannot ever drink anymore, I can feel his presence whenever I think about drinking and for the first time in my life it doesnt feel like a fight to not drink. I feel completely content without ever drinking anymore and do feel a responisibliy to the salamander. Thank you, IWNDWYT
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Additional Resources
- Andrew Huberman's podcast episode about alcohol use
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Navy Blue statement about alcohol
"My sister has this analogy about getting sober; it's like, prior to getting sober you're in a room, a smoky room, like a misty room. You can't really see what's in front of you. And getting sober is like the smoke clears and there's just a steaming pile shit of in the room. And you're like, oh my god, this whole time you’ve wondered where you are for it to just reveal that it's just a pile of shit. And now though, that the smoke is cleared, you're left with, okay, what do I do next? I can clean this shit, or I can live amongst it, or I can move around it. Getting sober doesn't mean that the smoke clears and you're in paradise. You're in a room with a steaming pile of shit. But now, you know it's there. You know what you're working with."
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https://www.vogue.com/article/what-i-learned-from-365-days-of-sobriety
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https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2023/01/30/dry-january-alcohol-quitting-drinking-erica-youngren
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"Curtis: I think about it a lot. Being sober is going to be a legacy, for sure. Because I’m stopping what has been a generational issue in my biological family. It’ll be the single greatest thing I do, if I can stay sober. Because generations of people have had their lives ruled and ruined by alcoholism and drug addiction. For me, sobriety first. Always.
Farrell: The whole reason art exists is because it’s an expression of the human condition. And no matter what blessings
I have or what wealth I experience in my life, I have no more
or less of the human condition than the gentleman who’s living without a roof over his head. We’re in exactly the same place internally.
Curtis: And that’s the gift sobriety gives you, is that the rules apply to you just like they apply to other people. That’s what legacy is: making friends and loving your people really well. And bringing art here."
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https://www.huckmag.com/perspectives/the-real-reasons-young-people-are-choosing-sobriety
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https://getpocket.com/explore/item/i-gave-up-alcohol-five-years-ago-and-here-s-what-i-ve-learned
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Final Thoughts
Our society is inundated with alcohol drinking encouragement.
If you're beginning your sobriety journey, though, it's helpful to remind yourself that other people have walked the same path, and succeeded. For more on that, here’s what I personally learned after my first five years of sobriety.
There are many resources out there that can help, and I hope you've found this post to be one of them.
I wish you all the best of luck in overcoming booze to better your health.