Hexagram 12 > Hexagram 28
Or: Similarities To Kanye West Are Only Good In Moderation
The most responsibility I've had in my career was managing 11 team members, over 400k worth of talent on a daily basis, at a company bringing in tens of millions a year. As someone that spent nearly a quarter of a century in the projects, it was a change that was somewhat unlikely if we accept the narratives about coming from public housing.
But we all have that mythological heel, or glowing green crystal, that acts as an internal trickster, regulating just how successful we can be, and what trade-offs have to be made according to the Gods.
My trade-off was Bipolar Disorder.
My first glimmers of mania came in high school, a few years after being choked unconscious in middle school (which I always wonder about how it exactly changed me (and have some hints about based on medical research)).
I had rock bottom nutrition powered by processed sugar and salt, and an after school bi-phasic sleep situation going on. But when it became spring, the ice of depression began to thaw into an overconfidence that somehow showed itself amidst my avoidant social anxiety.
In one life-changing event I started a fight because my flight-y brain was on fast forward, and I fell victim to giving up halfway because I had none of that *fight* left when I realized it was a physically taxing activity beneath my dozens of bulked-up pounds.
A divine ass-whipping escorted me back into the depressive part of manic-depressive disorder.
If Bipolar Disorder was a Tarot spread, it'd be The Fool, The Devil, and Wheel of Fortune.
And I experienced those cards in spades in the subsequent years.
Traditional medicine didn't solve all of my problems.
And there was a moment when I thought my life was all set because of low carb and sublingual B12. In the dark outpost of Binghamton, NY, things like vitamin D and a B Complex can make life seem considerably less grim. But you don't stop the falling forward of mania with a couple of pills.
Stabbing myself in the neck, and impacting my family in that same moment, was the stop sign for my first 25 years.
In the calendars since, I picked up new pieces of armor: Medication here, therapy there, nutrition, vitamins, Buddhism, and no booze. Becoming a better person with each evolution.
But there is no silver bullet for Bipolar Disorder, you need to empty the whole clip.
So, what follows are different doors you can open to find ways to live peacefully with something bubbling beneath the surface. You may not adopt, or want all of them, but they're what helped me become less of a leaf in the wind, and more of a leader of my own life.
How To Better Manage Bipolar Disorder
1) Knowing The Signs of A Manic Episode
The term was "manic-depressive" but I think most people can recognize the slowness, the struggle, and the sadness of depression. And without the peak of a manic high, it wouldn't be Bipolar Disorder.
But mania is sort of like the quote attributed to Mark Twain: "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."
When a manic episode (and in extreme cases, a psychotic episode) envelop you, you become a fish, saturated in water, without knowing you're looking at the world through waves.
While depression is like seeing stop sign after stop sign extending into the distance, mania is like thinking you can clear those stop signs like hurdles, or even running through them like the Kool-Aid man, leaving a pitcher-like outline in each.
You might be manic if:
1A) Sleep And Energy Signals
A signal is: your sleep is choppy, or feels like more of a suggestion than a requirement.
After choppy sleep, instead of being glued to the floor, I would wake up feeling like my eyes were being held open by hooks, with a gaze and look to my pupils like I had secretly been injected with amphetamines during my REM cycle.
I would have energy, but not the balanced, calm kind.
It would be an energy that comes with body tightness, like one of those toy cars you wind up by pulling it backwards on the ground.
If you wake up from, say, five hours of sleep and feel like you can knock out a to-do list, it's probably not just waking up on the right side of the bed. Which leads into the next sign:
1B) Aberrations and Inconsistencies
We all want to change for the better, but a Hexagram 51-like sudden change is a signal to be heedful.
Sudden changes in interests, energy, routines, anxieties, and confidence, may not be a sign that you're 'turning the corner'. That you've finally overcome all that ailed you.
That's hard to accept when you want to escape the gravitational pull of depression and anxiety, but your life miraculously changing since your head hit the pillow is likely not what it seems.
If you're suddenly more social, more ambitious, more charismatic, you may also be in that moment, more of a puppet. Mania is alluring because it animates you in the way a few drinks does.
But there's a tab being added to that will come due, and you'll incur less charges if you start applying some breaks before it gets too far.
1C) Obsessive, Dissociative, and Urgent Behavior
Another similarity to alcohol is that mania can cause its own kind of a "blackout." You get pulled into the Looney Tunes logo hole, and wake up looking like the 9 of Swords.
You can become focused on whatever goal is being beamed into your brain. It becomes more important than sleep, or food.
And while that can be helpful when writing, or doing some other creative activity, the problem comes when it does its Hexagram 32, continuance thing. It keeps happening.
The present becomes as urgent as flames flickering beneath your door, and sooner or later you're the meme dog, with your unconscious telling you all is right.
This is a key insight, though: If you're not questioning whether something *is* that urgent, you might already be up to your nose. Once your self-monitoring starts to go away, you become a vessel for whatever influences that are in you or are being pushed into you by the outside world.
1D) Changes in Value
This is relevant to 1B, but if you suddenly have different opinions about loved ones or strangers, it's an alarm that you should take heed to.
You become Nicole Kidman in 'Eyes Wide Shut': "it's not the weed, it's you!"
Friends and family become opponents, strangers become saviors, the upside down-ness leaks into your judgements, and in the end, relationships can fracture, or become parasitic.
If others seem to suddenly 'change', there might be a chance it's just you.
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With that said, there's different things to pay attention to and do to manage Bipolar Disorder, and mania specifically:
2) Sleep Management
Sleep is such a sensitive topic, because the sleep of each of us is woven together with various lifestyle factors and habits.
There's no universal solution, just subjective suggestions. With that said, what's worked for me:
2A) Traditional Medicine
If you have Bipolar Disorder, doctors may suggest medication, and at the right dose, it might be the right decision.
Instead of being drugged into a stupor, and pushed into adding extra pounds with a slowed metabolism, a right dose of the right medication can have the benefit of getting you to sleep.
Sleep, in the early stages of mania, can be enough to help you avoid becoming organic graffiti on the guardrail of life.
I hate to give credit to any drugs you need a prescription for, but one that shows you the benefit of regular sleep may be worth tolerating for a while.
2B) Circadian Clock Timing
There's a book I've read called 'The Circadian Code' that says to keep:
- When you go to sleep
- When you wake up
- You first food/drink (non water) of the day
- The end of your last meal/drink
- What time you shut off all screens
- What time you exercise ...
Within the same 1-2 hour timeframe.
I don't follow that rule for each activity, 100 percent of the time, but getting to bed within the same 1-2 hour period, and doing the same for when I stop eating, etc. has definitely helped me.
And it helped me more when I was less experienced with the other tools in this post.
So, give it a try, and see if it helps *for you*.
2C) Making Sure You Don't Have Sleep Apnea, and If You Do, Doing Something About It
I've snored in my life, but I've also, from time to time, had moments where I woke up gasping for air.
I never went through the sleep study process, but I have had stretches of excessive fatigue.
The feeling that you have to take a nap every day isn't something foreign to me.
But something that seemingly helped was practicing a pranayama form of breathing called Bhramari (See later in the post for more talk about breathing). Four minutes in the morning, eight minutes before bed.
When I started being consistent with the practice, it lessened that constant fatigue. It was like I had another gear, finally.
And if your sleep isn't right because of circumstances like snoring and gasping for breath in the middle of the night, it's definitely worth a shot, before you go to a doctor and have to consider something like a bedside machine, masking you every night.
3) Sobriety
Instead of making sobriety some moral issue, if you have Bipolar Disorder, it's more of a question do you want to pour milk into your already leaking gas tank?
It's a practical issue.
Alcohol is a destabilizing force, even for people without Bipolar Disorder. It's liquid regret.
And you really don't know what stability is until you've been off of it for a while. It masks sleep deprivation, feelings, and other aspects of your life that need to be resolved before you're off the roller coaster of manic-depression.
I've already written the guide to sobriety based on my experience, so I'll link to it here. But I'll leave it to you to decide if that might be something you're interested in pursuing.
4) Cognitive Dissonance And Rationality
Being rational is an up-and-down thing. You can walk into it, and yet, fall out of it.
With mania, and especially, psychosis, you get locked out of that rational faculty.
Impulse takes the place of forethought, and confidence and certainty seem like immutable powers that you can wield, instead of simply interpretations that may not be all that correct.
I won't go into much detail on how to combat the irrationality you face during mania, because I wrote about the tools you can use, at length, here.
5) Nutrition and Physical Health
People tend to get evangelical about eating and exercise. CrossFit or Low Carb get put on an altar, and you damn near go door-to-door to recruit your loved ones to your cult of wellness.
When something works for you, there's always that risk. So, as I talk about health, take it with a grain of salt (if your diet allows that much sodium).
5A) Watch Out For Glutamate
One thing I've learned about mania is that glutamate is apparently found in higher levels in the body during a manic episode.
Taking an amino acid supplement like Leucine has caused me to lean closer to those manic phases, so the first bit of advice I have for you is to do some research on foods high in glutamate, and consider limiting just how much of that you have.
5B) Limit The Sugar, and Raise The Vegetables
It seems silly to recommend cutting back on sugar, and eating more vegetables, but here we are.
The up-and-down-ness that results from sugar consumption should be obvious to anyone that's attacked a bag of peanut M&M's. It doesn't make you 'calm', so I'll leave it there.
Vegetables, especially leafy green ones like spinach, often make my brain feel like it's breathing. And there's no real downside to getting hefty portions of vegetables every night. If you can, your body (and mind) will thank you.
5C) Consider Taking NAC and Cutting Out Folate
I've found NAC supplementation to be helpful in settling things down, and there's anecdotal evidence that confirms other people have experienced similar things.
With B-Vitamins, it's helpful to know if you have the MTHFR gene. But even if you don't, it might not hurt to change your folate to L-methylfolate, and your B12 to methylcobalamin.
Consider these simply some hints, and do your own research, but they're changes that I've seen benefits from in my own life.
5D) Be Careful With Low Carb and Ketosis
The biggest benefit I've experienced from low carb eating is my depression falling off a cliff, and my mood rising to take its place.
But the risk there is getting too 'up'.
It's great losing excess water weight, having less inflammation in your body, and having a higher mood, but low carb and ketosis have also messed with my sleep, and made me a little too 'high' instead of heedful.
Like everything, there's a trade-off.
It's important to monitor and get enough electrolytes if you go down this path, but it's also important to keep an eye on your mood and ensure the grandiosity isn't coming along with the grams of carbs that are falling to the side.
5E) Be Careful With Blue Light
If you have Bipolar Disorder, I would not recommend blue light therapy.
In one of the darkest cities in the northeast, I used a blue light to fight against depression, but it may have unknowingly caused a nearly pernicious slide into a manic episode.
Try Vitamin D instead of one of these lamps, because it's possible for it to get bad.
6) Try Breathing Differently
Pranayama is yogic breathing, and I'm no expert, but I know what's worked for me.
For what's listed in this post, I have to recommend going to an AI service like Google Gemini and asking it something like "Explain how to do Sitkari like I'm stupid." AI, for all of its drawbacks, is very good at explaining how to do breathing techniques, step-by-step.
I mentioned one pranayama technique earlier, but here's a couple more:
6A) Left-Nostril Breathing
This is executed the same as Nadi Shodhana, except you're not breathing in with your right nostril at all.
I can do this 4-6 times and notice my mind exits the room I'm in, and kind of goes into a calmer door.
6B) Sitkari or Sitali
If you can roll your tongue, there's Sitali. But for someone tongue-tied like me, there is Sitkari.
Believe what you will about 'elements' in the body, but when I'm hot, I'm more likely to be energetic, and more likely to be impulsive.
Something thing like Sitkari is designed to cool the body down, and in turn, turn down the intensity of your emotions.
If you're facing some manic 'ups', it's worth a shot to see if you can settle your body and mind down a bit with this kind of pranayama.
7) Be Heedful About Your Media Intake
It may seem irrelevant, but I do believe there's something to be said about the benefit of being careful with the information you allow to get beamed into your brain.
I wrote about slow media before and all of that still stands here.
The push notifications of apps and feeds can plant seeds that are watered by people who have no interest in your best interests.
News meant to bend you into a pretzel emotionally can't and shouldn't always be avoided, but how many negative headlines do you need to see before you feel like you did your duty as an informed, empathetic person.
And speaking of social media: many of the people you meet online are not your friends. They're RPG characters offering you poison in some shady inn. Or they're pulling you into an echo chamber of mimesis, where you unconsciously conform to fit in.
Lastly with this: AI Psychosis is a thing, but so is Reddit Psychosis, and Social Media Psychosis.
What we read shapes what we feel is possible. New words and ideas create new thoughts and beliefs.
If you see a social media user or website spewing out their beliefs about x and y, ask yourself if you'd like to carry that kind of perspective into the relationships you have with people you actually do love.
Is all of this feeding paranoia, depression, aggression, or anxiety? Or is it making you feel more balanced? I know what I would choose, but you're of course free to decide for yourself.
8) Don't Make It Your Identity
There's a risk of getting a diagnosis, and then wearing that label like it's the code that gets you into some secret speakeasy, surrounded by club members.
I've only found a diagnosis to be helpful in getting you pointed in the direction of practices, tools, and products, that can give you power in managing that diagnosis.
It's a clue for you to use instead of a box that limits your future.
There's no real benefit in letting it become your personal ceiling: 'I am stuck this way, this is my life'.
So, while it may get you some camaraderie, it's really the same as living in the projects (which I have a lot of experience in): This is a place you should treat as an airport. Something you pass through to get to something better, and more stable.
9) Avoid Psychosis (Groundbreaking, I Know)
No one *chooses* psychosis. But you may ignore the signs on the road that tell you where you're headed.
Excessive sleep deprivation, like the kind I experienced, can turn you into a stranger that has the keys to your own body.
And sleep isn't always going to be immediately sufficient for suppressing the mania that can transform into psychosis. A couple four hours of sleep nights can put you well on your way.
Once you hit this level of unconsciousness, you can lose self-awareness, and it could even last months.
Once you experience something like this you realize just how malleable you can become, explaining everything from cults, to other forms of brainwashing. If anything, it provides you with an empathy for the bad decisions of others. But I wouldn't wish you empathy delivered through that vehicle.
Do your best, with your daily practices (definitely including those already discussed in this post), to avoid ever touching that path.
I'm not trying to fearmonger, but manic psychosis is an experience where you lose your freedom, and rationality seems like a theoretical concept instead of a law like gravity.
And when it gets to this point, often, traditional medication is likely the only answer to get you back to sleep, and your right mind.
Final Thoughts
A manic episode is like the 'Interstellar' astronaut left behind. You wake up, and it's like your AARP subscription is on your doorstep. A whole life, decorated with deleterious decisions, is in your wake.
The decisions can range from denying yourself restful sleep, to deconstructing cherished relationships (Or: doing tens of thousands of I Ching readings that take years to be helpful enough to not regret the rabid speculation).
You're a rolling ball, knocked into motion by the Gods.
Some like manic episodes like they enjoy deceptive narcissists: You feel certain of what's favorable to you at the expense of reason, propping up a self interested tyrant that's got his hand in your pocket.
Of course, you get the benefit of boundless creativity, and confidence, but at the expense of being a lobster complimenting the jacuzzi that will soon boil him to the great beyond.
Your mind can be thought of as another immune system. It's something that requires regular upkeep, and you may catch a cold from time to time.
I hope that with some of the hints, and tools, provided in this post, you can steer clear of the landmines that can be planted by the person that's supposed to have your best interest at heart: you.