I was all over the place.
Years after dropping out of college, I had no degree to act as a halo over my head, and instead had a very prominent scar on my neck, and a three hour (total) commute to get to work and back each day.
I had unresolved trauma, and a life direction that looked like a compass being carried on a Binghamton carousel.
But after moving from the above mentioned city of rotating-horses to Denver, CO, I *slowly* began to chisel a new “self” out of the excess baggage of marble I’d been encased in.
With the help of the woman I moved to Colorado for, I started coming to terms with a manic psychotic episode I had years earlier, and then I began retrieving parts of myself that I forgot I lost down the well of my mind.
But one crossroads-moment finding completion begat another.
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One of the things that helped me emerge from the confusion, and get a better sense of who I was, what I cared about, and where I wanted to go, was the High Point - Low Point exercise I came up with (which you’ll find in this post).
It helped me see patterns that became breadcrumbs, directing me to the ‘right’ path for me. And it gave me a sense of relief after being practically shackled in place, looking at trail after trail of ‘possibility’ in front of me.
What’s contained in this piece are some things I did back when I was rediscovering myself, and some things I'd do now if I had to again start from scratch after having part of my brain Phineas Gage’d.
If you'd like a professional deep-dive into your life purpose, strengths, and weaknesses with the same divination I’ve done for myself and others, I'd recommend my 'Find Your Purpose' service.
For those of you that are at a crossroads (be that a potential career change, a breakup, a relocation, a Saturn Return, etc.) and want to try for a more manual approach at first, I hope what follows below helps you like it helped me.
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*Contents*
The Quick Way
The Three Quick Steps To Decide What To Do At A Crossroads In Your Life
The Complete Way
Your Age, And The Corresponding Profection Year
Your (Mostly) Constants: Astrology
Your Past
Your Present
Your Future
Putting It All Together To Quickly, And Easily Know Your Direction
Do Magic About It: Getting Strategic With Your Goals
The Non-Magical Form of Magic: Habit
Final Words
Resource: The 12 House Meanings
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*The Quick Way*
The Three Quick Steps To Decide What To Do At A Crossroads In Your Life
While the rest of this post will be filled with advice that can shape your life for the long-term, I understand that some of you may be looking for a quick answer to your 'what do I do at a crossroads' question.
For decisions that need to be made quick, try on these three lenses:
What would you tell your best friend to do?
- Make sure you write it out instead of answering in your head. By writing it out, your advice can't be distorted, because it's right there for you to look at
How will you feel about deciding to ____, 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months from now?
- Through that lens, does it still feel right (or wrong)?
What would need to be true for deciding ____ to be a disaster? (Do for each option)
- How many of those things are likely, or already present?
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Now, let's get into the more time-consuming, thorough, and hopefully, longer-lasting answers to how to handle a crossroads moment.
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*The Complete Way*
Your Age, And The Corresponding Profection Year
If I had to start from scratch in helping myself, or anyone else understand their life and direction, I’d start with astrology.
While I talk about the popular topic of astrological signs in the next section, I believe the clearest, and easiest way to understand what you’re currently going through, and where you might be going next, is to look at which profection year house you’re in.
You can find my full piece on astrological profection years here, which should explain why you’re likely to face a lot of money and possession-related circumstances if you’re about to turn 25, or 37.
Knowing the profection year you’re in, or will be in, is the easiest way to figure out what might be coming in your direction. Which will then give you a better idea on how to steer your life in a more deliberate way.
Now, let’s talk about the “signs.”
Your (Mostly) Constants: Astrological Houses And Signs
I call this “your (mostly) constants” because I personally believe it’s unwise to claim complete certainty of just about everything but uncertainty and impermanence. And while this is a discussion for another time, I believe that the culture of “that’s such a Gemini (or insert other sign) thing” does more damage than good.
With that said, I do believe astrology is very good at telling you what your predispositions are in those areas of your life represented by the 12 houses. So, I recommend at least taking it into consideration, even if you’re one of the people that has a cootie-like reaction to the idea.
If you know your place of birth, date of birth, and time of birth, but don’t have a Natal Chart, you can email me at kochisjohnathanj@gmail.com and I’d be happy to create it for you, for free.
Alternatively, you can follow this guide to create your own, but as a note: the chart I’d make for you for free, and the chart that this guide helps you create is for Sidereal Astrology. It’s my preferred system of astrology, but it’s a bit different from Tropical Astrology, which is used by much of the western world (and which I am still sometimes influenced by).
For what follows, though, the most important thing is that you have a chart with Whole House signs. So, regardless of whether you use Tropical Astrology, or Sidereal, that’s what’s going to matter for this section.
What I’m providing here are the strengths and weaknesses of each sign, according to the readings I did using the I Ching. And I’ve tried to present the readings in a digestible way, to help you understand what behaviors you should avoid, and the ones that you should try to do more of.
Your rising sign in your chart (as noted with the number one) will tell you what sign your first house is in, so I’d recommend opening up a document, making a list of the signs in each of your 12 houses, and pasting your strengths and weaknesses into their appropriate places. At the bottom of this post you’ll find a simplified list of the 12 house meanings so you can understand where each strength and weakness plays out in your life.
Aries Strength
Reading: Hexagram 57 Unchanging (57 uc)
Lean into your ability to adapt, and subtly influence things.
Aries Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 40 Unchanging (40 uc)
Lean away from your "freedom."
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Taurus Strength
Reading: Hexagram 12.1.3.4 > 37
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 12.1 > 25.3 > 13.4 > 37
Lean into your relationships while turning down shiny opportunities, keep things pure in any lopsided transitions, and plan for challenges rather than utilizing upper-hands you may have available to you.
Taurus Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 19 Unchanging (19 uc)
Lean away from the tug-of-war between taking action now, and ruminating about what was, especially if you're in a position to teach, or lead.
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Gemini Strength
Reading: Hexagram 6.2 > 12
Lean into not aiming too high, sticking with what's familiar, and handling the conflict that comes from not pursuing what isn't right.
Gemini Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 32.4.5.6 > 57
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 32.4 > 46.5 > 48.6 > 57
Lean away from adapting to what's barren, taking steps to pursue things you're not entirely sure you want, and being restlessly busy when you don't have the whole picture just yet.
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Cancer Strength
Reading: Hexagram 30 Unchanging (30 uc)
Lean into grasping things a little better, taking care of what takes care of you, and experiencing some meaningful splittings.
Cancer Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 40 Unchanging (40 uc)
Lean away from having free-reign over your world.
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Leo Strength
Reading: Hexagram 21.1.2 > 64
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 21.1 > 35.2 > 64
Lean into experiencing incompletions, staying put, and overindulging in deliberation as you stick to your principles and restrictions.
Leo Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 26.1.2.4 > 56
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 26.1 > 18.2 > 52.4 > 56
Lean away from wandering when experience tells you to stop, letting complicated things happen at their own pace, and delaying while you ponder possibilities.
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Virgo Strength
Reading: Hexagram 48.2.3.4 > 45
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 48.2 > 39.3 > 8.4 > 45
Lean into safeguarding as you make repairs, persist with problem solving your way through the rough spots, and restructure things to try to make them a reality.
Virgo Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 19.1.4.5 > 47
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 19.1 > 7.4 > 40.5 > 47
Lean away from exhausted work on problems you don't fully understand, taking breaks while waiting for endings, and getting partial comprehension at any crossroads where distrust is abound.
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Libra Strength
Reading: Hexagram 25.2 > 10
Lean into being well-intentioned in the present instead of contemplating any potential rewards that might not be a perfect fit.
Libra Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 60.2.4 > 17
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 60.2 > 3.4 > 17
Lean away from following when there's opportunity for change, and looking for outside help when you're restricted and confused.
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Scorpio Strength
Reading: Hexagram 33.1 > 13
Lean into sensing the stress, and anxiety, and getting away from the danger when it's present.
Scorpio Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 51.4 > 24
Lean away from responding to any shocks with a return to something, or a whole lot of inaction.
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Sagittarius Strength
Reading: Hexagram 23.2 > 4
Lean into letting things be removed when you get a reality check that tells you one side of the equation has moved on.
Sagittarius Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 51.1.3.6 > 56
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 51.1 > 16.3 > 62.6 > 56
Lean away from any kind of wandering with surprises that are let-downs, being pulled in two directions that you're unsure of how to resolve, and being caught off-guard by outside rewards that you didn't end up getting.
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Capricorn Strength
Reading: Hexagram 13 Unchanging (13 uc)
Lean into assessing windows of opportunity, figuring out the right fit, and making adjustments when necessary, especially when risk is involved.
Capricorn Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 37.2.4 > 1
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 37.2 > 9.4 > 1
Lean away from deliberating about decisions involving "potential" build-ups, and believing you can breathe a sigh of relief with what might end up just being misconceptions about the superficial.
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Aquarius Strength
Reading: Hexagram 51 Unchanging (51 uc)
Lean into sudden actions, events, and shake-ups.
Aquarius Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 55.5.6 > 13
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 55.5 > 49.6 > 13
Lean away from adjusting to unconfirmed patterns, and isolating yourself in a way that can impact those in your orbit.
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Pisces Strength
Reading: Hexagram 21 Unchanging (21 uc)
Lean into deliberating, thinking on things, and making corrections with any feedback you get.
Pisces Weakness
Reading: Hexagram 47.3.4 > 48
Transitional Reading: Hexagrams 47.3 > 28.4 > 48
Lean away from seeking material agreements with those you don't have close connections with, and keeping barriers up with parties when there's a need to stick to your principles in a more flexible way.
Summing It Up
When you take a look at the meanings of each house (found at the bottom of this piece) in your chart along with strengths and weaknesses here, you'll have an operating system of sorts to tell you what you should do more of, and less of.
Depending on the current choices you’re facing regarding which direction to go, you can glance at the document you made to try to sidestep setbacks and bolster the natural momentum you have in that area of your life.
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Your Past
My favorite exercise for finding patterns in your past that can help you pave a path forward is something we’ll call High Points - Low Points.
It works like this:
1) Prepare The Document
Open a document on your computer/phone (preferably using the document you created for the previous exercise), or get a sheet of paper, and make a section for each (High Points - Low Points).
2) List Out Your High And Low Points
Then you think back as far as you can in your life and go year-to-year, and write down the most significant high points, and the most significant low points you’ve had.
Note: I want to be careful here, so I will say that if you have past traumas that you don’t feel comfortable acknowledging, only list what you feel comfortable with, and take it easy on yourself. There are some things we had no say in. This isn’t an exercise about personal responsibility, or to make you feel guilty about something. It’s to identify these moments to learn from them, so you can use them as future fuel.
3) Answer Some Questions And Analyze
For each point in your life that you put down, answer the following:
- 1) What caused it?
Try to keep the cause as brief as you can, as long as it accurately communicates the cause. You’re looking for a kernel of insight more than a journal entry.
- 2) Why was it a high point /low point?
This is a personal question. Why was that a great moment? Or why was that a terrible one?
Again, you can write at length if you want, but to ensure you actually act on what you generate from this exercise, I’d recommend keeping it as simple as possible.
When I ran through the exercise, for my high points I also mentioned what was bad about that thing I considered positive, and for the low points, I also mentioned what was good.
It’s not required to look at both sides of the coin when you do it, but I personally found it helpful.
- 3) The Takeaway
This is where you ask yourself “based on this information, how can I make something like this more likely to happen again in the future,” or “how can I prevent something like this from happening in the future.”
For perspective: when I did this exercise back in 2017 I generated 19 high points and 8 low points. So, you can go as in-depth, or as shallow as you want. The point is that you’re generating data about your life to better understand how ‘you’ work. If doing 10 each doesn’t feel like it was enough help, expand it a bit if you’re able to remember some more moments.
And there’s one last step.
- 4) Find The Good And Bad Patterns
Look through both lists, and ask yourself what the commonalities are for the highs, and for the lows.
Did something come up repeatedly? Is there an underlying, undying habit at play that continues to rear its head?
By identifying these things we can figure out where we should invest more time and energy, and where we should withdraw those same things.
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Example
An example of this from when I did the exercise:
Quitting Gluten
- 1) What Caused It?
- Reading about the problems and dangers of eating it
- Feeling terrible physically and wanting to find a solution
- 2A) Why Was It A High Point?
- I finally got physical and mental relief from some issues affecting me
- It made eating much simpler
- 2B) What Was Bad About It?
- I lost foods I used to love
- It isolated me from some people
- I didn't understand how to get enough nutrients
- 3) The Pattern/The Takeaway
- If you have a problem look for a solution and test your options
- Research and education can save you
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Summing It Up
After gathering all of the data, try to write down the follow:
- 1) The three most important patterns/themes that caused your high points - or the three things you're most interested in continuing
Ex: This is a complete judgment call, and it only matters what you feel in the moment. For me, at the time of writing this, I'd say of the major patterns in my high points, I want to continue to bolster my writing, research, and pursuing ways to improve my mental health.
- 2) The three most important patterns/themes that caused your low points - or the three things you're most interested in discontinuing/eliminating
I won't provide an example for this one, because I'd rather not tell the world "target these elements in my life if you want to fuck it up," but I think you get the picture with this exercise.
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Sometimes there’s things we *feel* about ourselves that we don’t acknowledge, or give enough respect. And sometimes there’s traits we discount. I find that this exercise forces you to look at your life honestly, and appreciate your gifts, while also acknowledging, and giving proper recognition to the things that you should change in your life to grow.
I hope that it helps you in the same way if you go through the process.
But just write down the top 3 for the highs and the lows, because we’ll be using that later on.
Your Present
1) Pride, Soft-Spots, Talents, And Knowledge
From my experience, I think what we’re most proud of, and what our biggest soft-spots are can be two sides of the same coin.
If we’re proud of something, we’re invested in the version of our identity where that thing is a strength. But if someone were to point to a crack in that wall, it might shake us a bit.
Try taking a second and list out the things in your life that you’re most proud of. Accomplishments, skills, traits, put them all out there.
As a prompt: Ask yourself what would need to be true to be given the best, most specific compliment that you could ever get?
Now, do the same thing for those soft-spots (which may in fact be different, though, they could have some connections to those prideful things).
As a prompt: Ask yourself what would need to be true to be given the worst, most hurtful, most specific criticism that you could ever get?
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With that done, try asking yourself what others have complimented you on the most in your life.
For a long time, I was complimented on my drawing skills. And then there came a point where it switched to my writing. What are some things you’ve heard repeatedly over the years?
Now (and this may be difficult), ask yourself what you’ve been criticized for the most in your life? It may not be pleasant to think about, but it could eventually lead you to a breakthrough that allows you to move past it being a wound.
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(Optional) Ask Others
If it’s possible for you, ask some people that you trust what you’re best at, and what you should lean into more.
And then ask them what you should lean away from, stop doing, and work to get better at.
It’s not always easy for us to initiate these kinds of conversations, and some of us don’t have individuals we trust to that level in our lives, so if it’s not possible to complete this exercise, don’t do too much fretting.
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Skill And Knowledge
Ask yourself a couple more questions:
What am I good at?
Or, in other words, what things/areas have I had proven success in?
Note: You didn’t need to win awards for it to be a proven success. Don’t discount what you’ve accomplished.
And
What do I know a lot about?
Or, in other words, what would you be able to talk to someone about for at least 30 minutes without any rehearsal?
2) Your Biggest Influences, And Your Biggest Anti-Influences
Who are the three biggest influences in your life that you’ve had a personal relationship with?
This can be family, friends, mentors, etc.
For me, I know these would all be loved ones, and it’d potentially be different people at different times in my life. So, don’t feel guilty about not giving someone their credit, this is about who *at this very moment* is the biggest influence you’ve had a personal relationship with. Because the goal is to assess our present.
Now, who are the three biggest influences in your life that you’ve never had a personal relationship with?
These can be public figures, authors, teachers, dead, or alive.
For each group, what do you admire most about each of them, and what do you least admire?
What are the commonalities there?
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Now, who are the three biggest anti-influences in your life that you’ve had a personal relationship with?
These are people who you’ve interacted with that gave you a clearer idea of what, and who you *didn’t* want to be. No one is going to see this unless you share it, so be honest with yourself.
Who are the three biggest anti-influences in your life that you’ve never had a personal relationship with?
For each group, what do you admire most about each of them, and what do you least admire?
Again, what are the commonalities there?
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Summing It Up
With all of the info you gathered in this section, we're gonna continue where we left off with the high and low points.
- List the three things you're most proud of
- List the three things that are your biggest soft-spots
- List your three most important skills
- List the three things you have the most knowledge about
- And list those six biggest influences (that you’ve known, and only known from afar), and six biggest anti-influences (that you’ve known personally, and known from afar)
And again, we'll be referencing this information at the end.
Your Future
1) The Magic Question
For this, the goal is to let your mind dream something up.
Ask yourself ‘if I could do a magical ritual to instantly have the perfect life, what would that look like’?
Or you can use my favorite prompt: “what would need to be true” and ask ‘what would need to be true to have the perfect life’?
Just list out whatever it is that comes to mind, regardless of how seemingly out of reach it might feel *right now*.
Now (as you can kind of expect at this point), ask yourself ‘if you (or someone else) could do a magical ritual that would instantly ruin your life without killing you, or anyone you love, what would that look like’?
And, if I was doing it, I’d probably use the prompt: ‘what would need to be true for someone to have ruined my life’, or ‘what would need to be true for me to have the worst life I can imagine’?
List them out.
2) The Profection Question
Which profection are you in, and which one is coming up.
If you’re unsure, check the profection piece again, and copy and paste, or write down the house topics.
Summing It Up
For this final exercise section, out of all of the information you generated:
- List out the three most important things for your perfect life
- List out the three biggest things that would ruin your life
- List out three goals based on the house topics of your current astrological profection year
- List out three goals for the profection year house you will be in next, based on the topics associated with that astrological house
And then we'll try to tie it all together.
Putting It All Together To Quickly, And Easily Know Your Direction
There's a lot of ways we can approach taking action on the data we gathered about our lives, but with this process, it's going to be more important to be practical, than perfect.
We want to take action to create the life we want, not spend days, weeks, or months, trying to be *too* meticulous. (If I was left to my own devices, I'd probably create sigils based around every point of information I learned about myself, which I kind of get into with the next section)
Because of the need for practicality, we'll simplify all of this information into two categories: More and Less. And we're going to use those three most important things for our perfect life, and our "ruined" life to direct what we do with the information.
So, let's do the following:
1) Prepare The Document
- In your document/in a notebook, make two columns, with a line in the middle dividing them. On the left, write More at the top, and on the right, write Less.
- You might end up needing more than one page if it's a physical notebook.
- You might just want to do the More section first, and then the Less section if it's a digital document.
2) Organize The Information
- Now we'll organize the information so we can quickly glance at it in the future and get quick direction when necessary. Here are the sections we'll create:
More Column
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The Objectives
- The three most important things for your perfect life
Continue & Encourage
- The three most important patterns you want to continue
- The three things you're most proud of
Put To Use
- Three most important skills
- Three things you have the most knowledge about
Seek Inspiration From
- Three biggest influences out of both those you’ve known personally, and those you haven’t
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Less Column
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The Avoid At All Costs
- Three biggest things that would ruin your life
Discontinue & Discourage
- The three most important patterns you want to discontinue
- The three things that are your biggest soft-spots
Avoid Becoming
- Three biggest anti-influences out of both those you’ve known personally, and those you haven’t
The Time-Sensitive
- The three goals based on the house topics of your current astrological profection year
- The three goals for the profection year house you will be in next, based on the topics associated with that astrological house
Do Magic About It: Getting Strategic With Your Goals
You could always skip this section if you're content with just having a document that can quickly give you direction, but if you want to make actual changes, this is when we would try to make that happen.
(This is all dependent on how comfortable you are practicing magic. I have a whole guide about that called ‘Prescription Magic’, and I'm only encouraging sigil magic if you're a beginner. You’ll also want to open that guide in a new tab if you’re interested in going through that process (See: the sigil sections))
The work of Roger L. Martin taught me a strategic question that I use just about every day: "What would need to be true?" It's a question that's helped me plan this website, sigils, and figure out what I need to get done on any given day. But we'll use it here, and I'll shorten it to "wwntbt" going forward.
For each of those three most important things for your perfect life:
- Ask wwntbt for this to fail to happen?
- Limit yourself to three answers (trust me, if you go too deep with this exercise you'll potentially end up with so much information you won't want to do anything with it). With these three, you have your first three magical intentions.
Example
- For your perfect life, one of the most important things might be having your own business.
- If you asked wwntbt for that to fail to happen, it might be not having an idea yet, not knowing anything about starting a business, and not knowing anything about running a business.
- You now have three magical intentions (which, if you follow the ‘Prescription Magic’ process, might be formulated in the following way):
- I easily have the perfect business idea
- I know everything I need to know about starting a business
- I know everything I need to know about running a business
- With that, you can make a shoal of sigils, as I describe in 'Prescription Magic', and see where the magical results eventually take you.
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Now, for each of those three most important things for you to avoid at all costs/things that would ruin your life:
- Ask wwntbt for this to take place?
- Limit yourself to three answers.
- And you now have three things you can try to avoid by using magic.
Example
- For your ruined life, one of the biggest things might be having a sudden medical emergency.
- If we ask wwntbt for that to happen, we might have the answers: have an undiagnosed medical issue, not having consistent access to my medication, and not eating right.
- The three magical intentions could be the following:
- All of my medical conditions are completely and permanently known to me
- I always have complete and permanent access to the medication I need
- I always have the perfect diet for perfect health
For The Time-Sensitive Issues And Topics You Are And Will be Facing (Your Current, And Next Profection Year House)
- wwntbt for each profection house goal to fail to come to fruition
- Limit yourself to three answers.
- You now have the raw material with which to create sigils to increase the likelihood of those goals coming to life
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Doing things this way allows the magic to work on your behalf, in the background, changing you in the ways that you need to be changed.
That's not to say that you can't, and shouldn't take initiative without magic to make these goals happen, because "divine intervention" magic is a lot less common than 'the magic gave me an idea and I pursued it' magic.
But, if you *really* want to know how I'd handle all of this information, we'll get into that next.
If You're Really Ambitious (And As Comprehensive As I Often Try To Be)
- Map your answers to the 12 houses. Use a document on your computer, or a piece of paper, and actually organize them according to their subject and the house that represents that subject.
- Ex: Being proud of your writing being a 3rd house matter, or wanting to continue learning being a 9th house matter.
- Identify where your strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes sit in your chart.
- Ex: Do you get most of your success from your 6th house and most of your problems from your 4th?
- Go through each house in your chart and ask "what would need to be true for me to fail to get the outcomes I want in this area of my life?"
- With those answers, use the 'Prescription Magic' piece to shore up some weaknesses, and augment some strengths with sigil magic.
- Ex: You would fail in your 4th house if you couldn't pay rent, so you create some sigils that reinforce your ability to do that so you can avoid that outcome.
With this way of doing things, you can get an overhead view of your life, and hopefully take some actions that can further put you into the right direction.
But, when it doesn’t come to “magic” magic, there' is one more solution to recreating your life: habit.
The Non-Magical Form of Magic: Habit
When you know where you want to go, sometimes the most magical thing you can do is reprogram yourself like a robot with a habit that actually benefits your life.
When I found BJ Fogg's book, 'Tiny Habits', I basically did just that, and I ended up creating a habit of daily exercise (among others things over the years).
What follows is a brief summary of 'Tiny Habits', so you know *how* to make it easier for yourself to create, or remove a habit. But I definitely recommend picking up the book, because it thoroughly changed my life.
To Create A Habit
Decide on The Outcome You Want
- Get clear, specific, and precise about the outcome you want
- Ex: Get better sleep
Figure Out The Habit You Want To Create
- Figure out what your options are by creating a big "swarm of behaviors"
- For ideas, ask:
- What new habits would you create?
- What habit would you stop?
- Choose a potential habit that has the three traits of a "golden behavior":
- 1) It's something you want to do
- 2) It's something you can do
- 3) It's something that can actually lead to the outcome you want
Make It Very Small
- You start tiny by
- 1) Focusing on the "starter step"
- Ex: Simply opening a blank word document if you need to make a habit of writing
- 2) Scaling the habit back
- Ex: Writing one sentence, instead of telling yourself you have to write four paragraphs
Find The Prompt To Make It Habitual
- What routine in your life is already an "anchor"?
- What things do you do already do automatically
- Ex: Taking a shower when you come home from work
- The new "recipe" for your habit can be:
- "After I take a shower I will open a blank word document on my computer"
Rehearse, And Celebrate The Habit (Even If You Feel Ridiculous Doing So)
- This step of the process may be difficult but figure out how you want to celebrate doing the habit
- I wouldn't recommend something like eating a piece of chocolate
- Mine have been as simple as a fist pump like I'm some Eastern European tennis player that's *very* serious about what he does
- Rehearse your new habit 7-10 times, with that celebration you chose at the end, each time
- Ex: Go into your bathroom, pretend you're closing the shower curtain, walk to your laptop, open the blank document, and then pump your fist (or whatever celebration works for you)
- Yes, you might feel very silly, but you're programming yourself here, rather than leaving it to some San Francisco software engineer that wants to use Robert Cialdini to make you mad online about an HBO show to fuel "engagement."
If The Habit Fails
- If it fails because you forgot to do it: rehearse it 7-10 times with a celebration at the end
- If it fails because you think it's too hard: make the habit even smaller
- Ex: Simply opening Google docs instead of making a new document
- If it fails because you continue to forget: Find a different prompt, or anchor
- Ex: You open a blank document after you finish eating dinner instead, or you set a reminder on your phone for a certain time (I’ve personally had success with the app, Todoist)
To Stop A Habit
Figuring Out What You Want To Stop
- First identify what habit you want to stop
- Ex: Biting your nails
- Figure out the specific behaviors that make up the bad habit you want to stop
- I'd recommend asking "what would need to be true for me to fail to stop this habit" to generate ideas
- Ex: it happens when you're working, when you're alone, when you're not eating food, when you're ruminating, etc.
- From those behaviors that contribute to you doing that bad habit, what would be the easiest to stop?
- Ex: For this it might be not eating
How You Stop Doing The Habit
- You try to stop that prompt by either:
- Removing the prompt
- Avoiding the prompt
- Ignoring the prompt
- Ex: For this, you might start chewing gum so you don't bite your nails, which would be avoiding the prompt.
When You Fail To Stop The Habit
- If you're not having success at stopping, you can try making the habit harder to do, by:
- Making it cost more time
- Making it cost more money
- Making it cost more physical effort
- Making it cost more mental effort
- Making it conflict with a routine
And if that doesn't work, try reducing the motivation, by:
- Weakening your motivation to do the habit
- Ex: Eating vegetables first before you eat anything else if you're having a problem with junk food, so your stomach is already full
- Demotivate yourself to do the habit
- Ex: Becoming one of those early twitter people that told the world exactly what they're eating, when they're eating, so the whole world knows you're eating junk food
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If you put any of this information to use in creating (or removing) habits for yourself, I hope you’ll agree that it’s easier than it seems, especially when you get some momentum.
I believe the hard part is really knowing what direction you want to go in, and hopefully the exercises you’ve gone through here help you at least know that.
Final Words
If you’ve used all of the exercises, or even just one, I hope you got a better sense of the direction you should be heading in.
And if you’d like something a little more comprehensive, created exclusively for *you*, please check out my ‘Find Your Purpose’ service, where you can get something tailor-made, and more specific.
Resource: The Simplified 12 House Meanings
The 12 Houses - Simplified
(For the longer list of house topics, click here)
1 - Self, body
2 - Money, possessions, material goods
3 - Close family members that aren't your parents, writing, social media, spiritual practices, neighborhood
4 - Home, land, your father, private matters
5 - Love, sex, your children, pleasure/fun, physical activity
6 - Job, coworkers, health problems and treatment, pets
7 - Spouse/partner, business partners, enemies, conflict
8 - Permanent change, death and the dead, money that belongs to others
9 - God, oracles, politics, prophecies, getting smarter
10 - Your reputation, your mother
11 - Fans, friends, those generous to you, other's children
12 - Separation, distance, law enforcement and incarceration, spies, large/wild animals