Hexagram 24 Unchanging
When I was a kid, my grandfather told me that his older brother taught him to swim by throwing him in the river.
No lifejacket, just evolutionary will-to-live teaching a boy how to escape the fate of water filling his lungs.
Needless to say, he survived, which is how you're reading this post.
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In grade school my least favorite version of gym class was the weeks in the pool.
I couldn't call myself a swimmer (and I still can't), but despite my lack of skill and knowledge as a child that grew up around project bricks instead of backyard pools, I was forced into the water in that class, without a raft, or a plastic noodle.
And my gym teacher forced me to stay away from the pool's edge.
As you might imagine (because again, you're reading this post) that I gripped that steel edge from time to time.
That side of the pool was my savior.
But as I've seen my own adult life unfold, and the lives of others, I find that, too often, we're seeking out the edges in every area of our lives.
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Pool's Edge Living is when we tell ourselves 'if I just get through this work day, I'll be home, safe on my couch'.
Or: 'if I do this presentation without choking, I won't have to think about something like this again for another three months'.
It's an existential balm for the fear of our 'selves' drowning.
We're holding our life's breath until we make it to solid ground, or that solid pool's edge.
But there's a problem with this natural reaction: that hope of salvation is simultaneously acting as the lead weight of hopelessness.
That belief that it's all going to be OK after this is over is securing our struggle in the present.
So, let's talk about what to do *instead* of that.
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1) Gain Power By Embracing Risk
The more risk, the more power.
Whether it's a CEO, a heart surgeon, a stock trader, or someone maintaining a romantic relationship.
The risk can be your death, or another's.
Your money lost, or another's.
You looking bad in front of others.
Of course, the risk isn't always distributed evenly, or in the same way: See people working in fields, or in coal mines, facing an incredible amount of risk.
But regardless, there's no real option to avoid encountering some form of risk.
It's the price of admission to this world. If we're to accomplish anything, it brings with it some level of risk.
2) Choose The Present Experience
By choosing you can be with whatever is, instead of trying to escape it. I write about this in sufficient detail here.
3) Digest Your Emotions
This is helpful to experience what you need to experience so you can stop experiencing it. I also wrote about this, here.
4) Choose A Sigil To 'Be'
This can be a helpful way to add power back to your life that isn't dependent on the duality of hope and hopelessness, or happiness and the inherent unhappiness attached to that.
If you feel stuck in something, this can help you transcend it in a way.
I write about this in full, here.
5) Address The Anxiety
I wrote a whole post about that here.
6) The Sisyphean Thought Exercise
Imagine you were stuck in this situation.
This is the one job you'll have for at least the next five calendars. Possibly the rest of your life.
This is the one relationship you'll have.
It's not a question designed to make you lazy, or to get you living a small life, or a way to avoid contributing to the world.
It's a question designed to build up those muscles of patient endurance, of your creativity, of creating a way to be at peace no matter what is or isn't coming down the pipeline.
So, try asking one of these questions:
What would need to be true for me to fail to be at peace with being ____ for the next five years?
What would need to be true for me to fail to be at peace with doing ____ for the rest of my life?
Then focus on the opposites of those answers.
Ex: If you asked this about being employed at a particular place for the next five years, or the rest of your life, you might fail to be at peace if you disliked your coworkers, or you weren't paid enough. So, start getting interested in getting to know your coworkers and finding commonalities, or strategizing how to ask for a raise, or a path to a raise.
This line of questioning isn't designed to make you lie to yourself.
It's to get your life working a little better instead of feeling like 'what is' is unbearable.
It's worth a shot.
Wrapping It Up
Everything I wrote isn't designed to help you delude yourself. It's to build up some toughness, and resilience, that will hopefully be an ever-present reminder that you can deal with whatever is thrown at you.
It's not 'easy', but the more you get exposed to new circumstances and find yourself not 'drowning' the more earned confidence you'll find available to you when you need it.